so 2010 is finally gonna be here in an hour !
happy new years eve ~
i changed my layout <3
connie helped me fixed the bugs
and i customized a lot of stuffs ..
jonghyun icons (self made :D) , because of you lyrics , colors , background , title .. etc :D
i really likeee it .

anyway ..
i am doing my floor plan right now .
FUCK MY LIFE T_T

thinking about all those fucking hw makes me pissed .
but i have to do them ..
i have too many stuffs that i need to finish ............
i really dont want to care .
but i still do .

if i do care , why did i waste so much time ?
.. i hate this .
i really do .
i hate how i can never keep my words about not procrastinating .

if i dont procrastinate for the next few days ,
ill be able to finish all the work before we go back to school .
but if i do ,
i wont be able to sleep on sunday .

i have a choice .
i just dunno if i can stick to the right one ..
thoughts about tb can make me sad ,
but thoughts about me not being diligent enough makes me feel like theres no hope in my future .

i do have high standards ..
but i know that its reachable for me .
and by procrastinating ,
i have to stress myself out to keep myself somewhat close to the standard .

i really dont want that .
it feels really terrible when i am desperately cramming to get things done .
i want to change .
and i am hoping by entering into a new decade ,
it will happen .

so i got up at 11 ..
and started watching jonghyuns performances in kbs gayo .. LOL
i still think that sbs gayo is betterrrr !
jonghyuns acoustic version of juliette was angelic .
SO IT BECAME MAH NEW BGM OF ZEE BLOG ;D
[ scroll all the way down o it would start playing ..
thats some gayass "autoplay" .. -_- ]

i was invis for like .. 6 hours ?
and apparently being invis didnt help at all .....
i was looking at pics of jonghyun for like a few hours and made 2 more cell phone wall papers x.x
HE LOOKS SO CUTE WITH THE BEANIE AND SCARF AND HOODIE T.T
-drools-

god .
if i can get someone like jonghyun i wont need any other wish anymore .. lol
but too bad , no -.- .
i wasted a whole fucking year on some monkey that doesnt even know how to appreciate his one and only stalker ! >_>
if i dont find someone better in 2010 ..
my fangirlness will grow EXPONETIALLY and eventually overwhelm myself D;

i still have so much shit to do ..
fuck my life .
i am really really tired ,
my back hurts x.x
and my neck is mad stiff .
finals are coming up soon .......... -______-
HOPEFULLY I WONT GET A LOT OF HW OVER REGENTS WEEK D;

fuck .
its already tuesday .
I KNEW IT .. I KNEW 11 DAYS WONT BE ENOUGH FOR ME TO DO ALL THESE CRAP ..
especially with heavy procrastination ..

I WANNA BE A NERD !
I WANNA GET 5s IN LIKE 149590458954 AP TESTS
I WANNA GET 24000000000 ON THE SATS
I WANNA GET 110 AVG
i wanna go to wharton :[

yeah i realized that the only way that i can get the fuck out of nyc for college
is to get into the top schools -_-
so they wont say shitttttttttttt .
well generally top schools give more money too .. x-x

if i continue to have such bad working habits
idk how i am gonna handle the work of upperclassman .
i really , want , to , go , to , ias .
but i think ill end up killing myself with ap english .. and possibly ap spanish .

i was gonna concentrate on my floor plan today
and i didnt start it until .. 8 pm -_-
gayo daejun is such a huge distraction ..
i watched key shindong joon and mirs muzik for like 5 times today already ..
too sexy to resist T-T

ive been getting up at like 10:30 everyday ..
sigh i want to wake up earlier to talk to my mom but then i just cant

its 11:11 .. i wish for a better year .

so tb today was like doing mad friends exposed stuffs ..
but i didnt get any -_-
he prolly skipped the questions about me LOL
and he said that hes more famous than mcchicken LOLOLOLOL
AND THEN MCCHICKEN WENT LIKE YU FUNNY

dawn is so funny .

I WANT BOYS DDDDDDDDDD;

LOL desperateness in the air !

STOP IT GUYS DONT LIKE DESPERATE GIRLS

BESIDES WILLIAM

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO

LOOK WHOS TALKINGGGGG !

LMAO MEH?

IM NOT THAT DESPERATE.

YET.

pffffti am not that desperate yet either

if i am THAT desperate

i would be like

walking in the neighborhoodscreaming

KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

LAM LAM LAM

CALL ME MRS LAM EVERYONE

HOLA AMIGO MY NAME IS MRS LAM. YURS?

IM MARRIED TO KELVIN

HES SO PALE.

MAD SEXY. BETCH.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

winter break finally started .
those 3 days felt like a fucking monthhh .
but i have so much homework to do over the motherfucking break .

homework over the break : term paper , floor plan , elevation , model , 5-page narrative poem, 5-page term paper , mini health project+ regular hw , math packet , 5 hours of rosetta stone . I WANT TO KILL MYSELF ALREADY .

THINKING about it makes me dizzy already .
on top of that i still have to tutor tori -_-
i am not gonna have enough time
ill hang out anyways x.x

having a break means that i wont see him ,
but it also means that hes gonna do more on fb ...... x_x
last night i was really tired and bored
so when the question "who do you like" popped up in the notes
i just put his name up there .
didnt say "him" , didnt say "tb" , nothing like that .
just his name .
i am getting more and more desperate
and sick of hiding .

susan miller said that christmas is gonna be really romantic
but the super accurate chinese horoscope said that this week i wont find anyone .
ill trust the chinese horoscope LOL
susan miller can dfsjklsfdlkkdlsf in a corner .

yesterday i had to give out christmas cards for fundraising during prefecttt
i was kinda sad when peggy gave the 3rd floor west side cards to some girl T_T
i got 3rd floor east side ><
so anyway and then i went to lunch
and was behind amy
florence came out from the elevator
and then she went like LOOK THAT WAY
i was like what o.O
and then she went like BRIGHT COLOR BRIGHT COLOR
i still couldnt see any bright color
and then she was like look over theree its tb
i was like ohhhhhhhhhh damn even neon-er green ?!
and then yeah he was right next to amy ..
and then he swiped in before amy -.- stupid cutter
i tried to look at his id and failed LOL
even though i already know how it looks like :X
if you wanna know how fucking neon that shit is .. refer to the pic below .

so this girl put up a pic taken yesterday with him in the middle
and then this guy commented " HEY I SEE A FAGGOT IN THE MIDDLE!"
and then tb wrote "yo. i. see. a. fag. right. here." on his wall
LOLOLOLOL
i am not sure if where his arms are
but that melissa girl prolly has her arm around his waist >.<   >.<   >.< 

what else happened this week ..
FLORENCE BABY TOOK A PIC OF HIM WEARING GYM UNIFORM MWAHAHAHAH<3
but it was mad blurryyyyy :[
and and and .
this .

(9:52:47 PM): last time i saw him was like last week
(9:52:55 PM): he was hanging with a white group
(9:53:04 PM): and mad blonde sluts over there
(9:53:11 PM): i heard him flirting
(9:53:20 PM): sounded like he was trying to pick up a few

er . doesnt sound quite possible ..

ill shut upp about him and talkk about christmas noww .
most of the stuffs i got are cards LOL
raymond wrote "forget about kelvin ! x-x he's stupid. just look @ it this way
0 C (zero trouble) = 273 K (lots of trouble)"
i literally LOLed .
got a pompom from areesha
a vintage-y necklace from diana
food from connie LOL
lotion and body mist from jolly

i wanna go shopppingggg D:

i had really bad cramps today ..
prolly cuz i actually finished the REALLY SALTY ice cream that i made in chem today x.x
i felt terribly sick from 3rd to 7th and i just wanted to go home so badly .

i really shouldnt have procrastinated yesterday ..
i was cramming to the point where i just didnt want to cram anymore .
so i did my english hw in lab
and i was like copying hw during lunch the whole time at anthonys table .
yes .. like 2 tables away from him .

so when i finished copying
the bell rang x.x
and i started walking .. and tb was in front of me .
yeah .
i walked past him and caught up to angel and peter and alyssa .

stupid raymond lied that tb went back to osa ..
yeah . i knew that he was lying . sigh .

i really cant wait for christmas break to come .
i really cant fucking go to school like this every day .

ill miss him ..
even though i shouldnt .

susan miller , can you please be right about romance for once ?

i am getting kinda desperate but i still ......

i failed my english vocab quiz LOL
well . i was too busy trying to get a spanish book so i can do my hw at lunch ..
and then i forgot about studying x.x

um .
so far in this week , i never saw him in the train station ..
and hes still wearing the blue beanie every day .
yesterday he was on the sw line
i was like trying to cut into it by talking to sinyu but oh well .
yeah basically every day i just like look at him from really far away .
and going AWWW HES SO CUTEEEEEE
i thought it would be like that ,
and i guess i was wrong .

so after 8th i was walking up with raymond ..
also cuz i saw AREESHAS AHEM walking on the 2nd floor and then going up .. :D
so i was following areeshas ahem .
and then we got to the 4th floor and he left
i was still staring at his back LOL
and NOWWW
the person that ill never imagine to appear fucking appeared .
guess who it is ?
AHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA .
=______________________________________________=
yeah , its the Tight Bitch .
if you dunno who i meant by tight bitch then look at the letters that i capitalized ..
IF YOU STILL DONT FUCKING KNOW
he is the senior fucking loser that i like -_-

well i thought he has 1-7 ..
so i never expected to see him there ....
i was like really fucking shocked
to the point where i like .. stared at him for a few seconds ..
and he was just like looking at somewhere else
i have no clue where he was looking at though
back staircase =_= ?

so i just pretended that nothing happened
and kept walking
but then raymond started laughing really really loud
and then i like ran up -.-
tears were coming out ..
got to the 6th saw yiman
walked down with her
my voice was like sorta shaking
and my sentences were mad broken .

this reminded me of that saturday ..
a few days after i confessed to him
i went to b&n and then on the way home
i saw him and i was about to cry on the streets -_-"
at first i was in too much of a shock ..
and THEN its like BITCH WHY ARE YOU HERE I DONT WANT TO SEE YOU
and then the painful memories just rush back and hit me .. hard .
havent been like that for a few months already ......

iono .
he looks better from far away LOLLLLL
he didnt grow . at all .
sad sad sad .
so much shit to do tonight .
fml .

J****** L**
were you wearing green yesterday? LOL i think i saw you yesterday on the d train.

K***** L**
i think i was wearing green yesterday and yes i was on the d...


                             names are censored cuz i am so nice :]

i wanna comment on it and say stuffs like
"yes you were ~ and you were wearing that beanie that youve been wearing for a few days (: i remember everythingg"
so then he would be ohdee creeped out :DDDDDDDDDDD
THATS RIGHT BYOTCH REVENGE FOR YOUUUUU
but since i am so much of a pussy ,
i am not gonna do it LOL

yesterday florence said that he looked at her for a while after gym ...
she was right in front of the wall so it cant be like someone else ..
the possible choices are ..

1. he was staring at the wall - most likely .. hes just that TYPE of person -_-
2. "THAT GIRLS HAWWWWWT =D " - um . the fuuuuuuuck .
3. "OMFG THAT STALKER GIRLS FRIEND FML T.T " - uh . but he has BAD MEMORY D;
4. he was using his pheripheral sight to look at some other things/ppl o.O ?

yeah :]
YOU BETTER LOVE ME ALYSSA .

u have made ur friends into tb stalkers xD

friends like me T_T

its like, OMG I SEE THE MONKEY 

MUST REPORT TO SHINSHIN!

but monkeys can be cute too, u know T_T
just not tb... he's a gorilla DX

 

everyone looks fucked up in at least one pic

BUT i look at tb's pics and im like, -HEARTATTACK OMFG LOOK AT THIS SCARY MONKEY-

but looking at the pic u sent me my reaction is "aww she looks like she's about to diss someone"

tb's not ugly

he is average

but just by looking at him, i wouldnt crush on him...

i think the hat he wore made him look like a hobo monkey

i shall let u continue obsessing over this stupid monkey

for u seem to be obsessed

and it would keep u from others things

such as -coughcough- LOOKING FOR OTHER GUYS

i cant wait till he leaves this school, then u can talk about a guy tht doesnt look like a monkey =D

i actually thought about it before .. how obsessed i am

its somewhat a good thing

cuz even though hes a jerk and all that

hes not gonna like start a drama or shit with me

so if i look for other guys

and they fucked me up

or creates mad dramas

that would suck more

than to be obsessed with a paleee loser<3

-___________-  well.... yea.... -thinks- yes

i cant help liking guigui and stars and u cant help liking monkeys

so if i suddenly stoppped likeing guigui and stars thta would be drastic and scary and sad and depressing

maybe when u do forget about him, ill miss the days when u told me ur stalking adventures...of monkeis T_t

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

<3333333333333333333333333

ILOVEYOUNANACHEN

ILOVEYOUXINRULIN 

damn 

 same amount of letters?

i wonder if susan millers FINALLY gonna be right about romance for once =_=

but its kinda creepy to think about anyways

if its him its FREAKY

but if its some other guy

HOW CAN I FORGET ABOUT HIM AND LIKE SOME OTHER GUY IN LIKE 10 DAYS ?!

its very possible!

all the guy has to do is be a pale monnkey with those glasses 

today is another one of those "romantic" days according susan miller ,
so unsurprisingly , it became another creepy day -_-

i was walking out of the g train station ..
when i was walking up the stairs .. i felt kinda weird .
my pheripheral view sorta found some thick framed glasses ........... =_=
i was like convincing myself that it shouldnt be him .. and i kept walking
and then some lady had to walk down
it was like really narrow , so i had to walk sideways
and then i saw his whiteass face T^T
i was like SHIT SON WHY YOU HERE
but i just pretended that i didnt notice and kept talking to ppl >_>"
his monkey hair was gone for one day
and now ITS BACKKK
NUUUUUUUUUUUU T^T !

and then i got into the lunch
went to yiman nana vionna who were already there
yiman was like "go look at the front"
so i went up to the front and looked at the food
and went back to told her about the food right
and then she was like "ARE YOU REALLY BLIND ?"
i was like "it IS pizza o.o"
so she went like "ARE YOU BLIND" again
and then someone went like "your stalkees in the front .."
i looked .. and was like OH SHITTT FML WTF D;
i was like kinda trying to hide myself the whole time >_>

after 8th i went up to soph tech room to get my tube thing
and then when i got out
i saw m again and he was staring at me
(if you dont remember .. m is the person that gave me false info about tbs major .. -_- )
idk if he still remembers me ._.;
but then today he had like an even more awkward face on than monday
so i went like "why are you staring at me like that ?"
and then he was like o.O; and went into his room
thank god hes not close to tb . thank god .

beinginsanesux (4:49:26 PM): she said jeannie person is celeb level and doesnt like guys
i cant imagine her being popular AT ALLLL >_>"
FSDKLJDSFKLJSFDJKLFDSKLJKJLSDF
WHY ARENT THEY LIKE FUCKING GOING OUT =_=
oh right , hes not hot and he looks like a sophomore .. >_>

i have so much work to do over christmas T___T
fmlfmlfml .
i gotta finish d5 tonight and we are gonna start doing floor plans tmrw GAH D;
i dont think ill sleep before 12 tonight -_-
gahgahgahgah okay bai !

report cards today .
i already knew my grade from the daedalus thingy haha .
dropped 2 points in spanish 6 in health and 3 in lab
went up 10 points in trig 5 in soph tech 5 in english
stayed the same for ap world and chem .
pretty good .
even though i was a little mad at myself cuz the reason that i dropped so much in health was cuz i handed 2 hws late :[
well and also cuz sharon didnt print out the handouts on the due day but i guess i shouldnt blame her for MY grades .

walked 8 floors up to lunch after prefect .
saw vionna .. and then he cut into the line ..
my first reaction : oh shit its him !
second : OH SHITTTTT HIS HAIRS NOT MOHAWKY ANYMORE !!!!!!!
i wanted to tell vionna but then it would be kinda obvious .
after lunch i showed mabel how he looks like though LOL
we were just standing there like retardds waiting for yellow shirt to come upp
and then when i saw yellow i rannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn and left her there D:
when we were getting books me and florence tried to peek into his 5th pd room LOL
but we didnt see him .
we are suchh stalkers :D

stupid joseph is oh so optimistic
"THERES 50% CHANCE ! YES OR NO"
pfffffft .
yeah right .
i actually kinda wish that hes going out with jeannie so i can just get that shit over with :DDD

i am tired ..
trig test tmrw fuckfuckfuck .
shah bitched at me SOOOOO badly todayyy :[
geez i just read the question wrong ;-;

everyone just keeps telling me who they like today ..
theyre all really .. shocking T_T
imma get heart attacks from theseee D:

watch me die from all those work during christmas breakkk >_>

so susan miller said that dec 1-6 will be romantic .....
and this week is pretty .. weird .
another horoscope said that this week i cant look at love related thing optimistically ,
well duhhhhh !
do you really expect me to go "OMGOSH TBS PROLLY STALKING ME" ?

before i go all stalkery ,
it was REALLY hilarious at lunch today
we were like all talking about sex and oh gosh you ppl are explicitttttt ROFL
the only thing i remember was like ..  "front ass" LMFAOOO
oh and i had another dbq in class writing today ..
and i did pretty well :]
i actually finished a few mins before the bell rang and started "talking" to anthony LOL

monday .
i missed the train and i didnt see him there
so i thought he left
but then when the train came
he magically appeared and got on O_O
I HAVE NO CLUE WHERE HE CAME FROM D;

tuesday .
when i got to the station the trains there waiting .
so i walked in ..
he was in there already
and then we got to fulton
and he got up
AND THEN I REALIZED THAT HE WASNT WEARING A BOOK BAG O.O
that was kinda surprising .
he was wearing a navy sweater also ..
since ive been crazy about sweaters and cardigans
i was like GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH SOO CUTE T-T
yeah , i am pretty sure that if my nose was weak ,
i wouldve bled to death ;-;
and then we got like mad far away
cuz ppl walking in front of me were walking mad slow
and he was walking kinda fast
he went into the deli
and i kept walking ..
and then i got into the school from the center doors ..
and walked up to 1st floor , turned and got into the staircases
and then i saw him walking up from the staircases ..........................
yeah i am pretty sure that he saw me too .
and i think he had like a tiny bit of shocked expression .. >_>
i just pretended that i didnt see him and walked up
AWKWARD .
dsfdsfklfdsklkfsdmdfsmldfsljkdfsljk

wednesday .
i missed the train again LOL
but i saw him AGAIN O.O
i was walking behind himmmm and i realized that the pair of sexy checkered slip ons is actually VANS <33333
the heart was not directing to him okay ? >_>
idr much .. getting old .
oh . the aids speaker thingy .. i saw the jeannie look alike again
but she looks better than the pics .. so i am not sure
i tried to like get close to her to listen to she and her friends convo
but no names were mentioned so IDK if its her ugh .

thursday .
again , walked into the train when it was waiting there LOL
hes sitting there again
and toris sitting like mad far away from him
so i sat like somewhere in between hehe .
navy hoodie , i think .
and then after we got out he was like alllllllllllllllllllll the way in the front ?
STUPID PPL BLOCKING MAH WAY .
and then he got into the deli .
i think when i got into lunch he was looking at the doors .. waving at someone or something .
thats it .

today .
the train was slightly late today .
so then i got into the train ..
thinking .. am i gonna see him today ?
and then he walked into the train ..
navy hoodie ..
he was walking alllll the wayyy in the backk so yeah .
SAW THAT JEANNIE LOOK ALIKE AGAIN
FMLLLLLLLL =_=

too many ppl are telling me that hes stalking me ..
THATS JUST BULLLLLLCRAPPPP
thats like saying me being fluent in SPANISH LOL
meh , ill just wait till christmas .

i have a fucking canker sore since like .. tuesday
it had been hurting so fucking much that my teeth started to hurt as well
yeah .
i have to like fucking bite my own teeth so that it doesnt hurt as much .

i feel so despaired cuz of trig .
i finished math , and will do spanish tmrw ..
i should do my d4 
but i just dont have the energy .....

i am like putting so many things to do on weekend ..
even though ill only have like 1 day to actually do it .
sigh :[

grandma wants me to tutor tori
and if i raise her grades by at least 10 points then ill get 100 bucks
FUNNY .
10 FUCKING POINTS .
SINCE EVERYTHINGS CUMULATIVE
I DOUBT THAT IT WILL EVEN GO UP 5 POINTS =_=
i tried to help her before
but she doesnt even get simple stuffs .
no offense , but even ppl like robert would understand
cuz i was explaining it like 1/10 of a step at a time
like how i teach those elementary school kids at angel center
but she STILL doesnt get it .
i feel mad hopeless
but nobody saw it .
all they saw was just that she is failing chem and on the verge of failing geometry as well
and i am the one getting good grades and "chillin"
so then everyone in the family thinks that i dont give a shit about her and i dont wanna help her at all
=______=
YEAH ?
if i really dont give a shit she wouldnt be fucking passing technical drawing right now !

grandmas a fucking dumb bitch talking shit when she doesnt even know anything .
all of them think that its a obligation for me to help her . 
DO YOU EVER SEE HER COMING TO MY ROOM AND TUTOR ME WITH ENGLISH ?
i cant even asian pass math myself now
and you expect me to take care of someone elses grades ?

i dont get why they always compare us
we are nothing alike , and my grandma just always had to find something to criticize me about
yeah yeah yeah she will remember to save me food and i wont .
THATS CUZ YOU PPL WILL DO THAT SHIT FOR HER
AND YOU PPL NEVER DO SUCH THINGS FOR ME
ohhhh i am soooooooo selfish .
i wonder who influenced me to be a selfish bitch !
maybe this part was like reasonable (not)
BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE HANDWRITING PART ?
i still remember one day shes pretend to be all nice and shit
and she went like "toris handwriting in chinese is better than you"
DUDE ?
toris only been learning chinese in school for like one and something years
and she doesnt even know shit yet
and you think that her handwriting is better than mine when hers is all fucked up and crooked ?
youre SOOOOO educated =.=

okay ill shut up about this now .
or else ill start crying and imma get puffy eyes tmrw .
haha i realize that my blog is not full of him anymore .. LOL
but i would rather be talking about stalking him happily than getting bitched at by grandma =.=
ugh .

i am not physically tired ,
but i am .. um i guess psychologically tired ?
i started hw at like 9:30
and i did like 5 questions in a hour >_>
and then i started bitching about shah
i am like really pressured
cuz i REALLY want a 85 by end of this semester for him
so i can apply for cal ab ..

i am dropping like 3 points for spanish
and 6 points for health :[
cuz i dont studyy .. sigh
i really need to change my working habit .
i shouldnt be on computer SOOOOOOO MUCH .
seriously .

but whenever i get home ,
i always feel lazy
and afterwards i feel tired
so i wont do hw until like i start to feel pressured
i planned to start d4 tonight but i cant even finish my math hw .....
ms.eng said that shes disappointed in me cuz i am so lazy
i am disappointed in myself too !
but what can i do ?
i always try to be less lazy but i never have self control ..
yesterday diana describe me as diligent i was like OH HELL NO ME ?
i WISH i am diligent .

its 11:11
i wish that i will procrastinate lessssss !

susan miller said that ill have like romance during christmas ..
and tb will get like a longass fucking term relationship on new years eve
haha we will see .
when i have time ill talk about the story of creepy bear I & II .

NANAAAAAS BDAY TMRWWW YAYY .

this is my blog .
so i am not expecting ppl to mess with it .
hateful comments are not appreciated .
click here to follow me if you love me :D
click here and go die if you hate me .
thank you very much .

saranghae jonghyun oppa♥
background music : 2am - i did wrong

- sleep early
- less procrastination
- do well on my sat 2s
- organize my room ;-;
- that monkey TT-TT

call me the fob or the pro stalker .

ppl that i love :
kim jonghyun ♥ , my mom, my moms mom, and my friends

things that i love :
shopping, money, cheesecake, k pop, chocolate chip cookies, & photoshopping

i am a hypocritical individual :
- i can be loud or shy .
- i think too much about the future but i dont give a shit about the present .
- i am very realistic yet i still want the ideals to happen .
- i laugh for the tiniest things and i cry a lot .
- i like and despise a loser that ill never get .






October 2009
November 2009
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January 2010
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March 2010
April 2010
May 2010

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