give me a fucking breakk .
its so fucking cold .
my hands and my feet are all fucking freezing .
the heaters not even doing anything !
ugh .
i have so much work to do ..
but i really dont want to do them .
i have to go out for dinner today -.-
WHY NOT YESTERDAY YOU FUCKTARDS
fucking essay .
i hate school .
i hate end of the marking periods .
i hate my laziness .
i hate cramps ><
i wanna buy a camera on black fridayyyy
but ugh i am like mad scared of getting bitched at
fucking hate them .
my dads prolly gonna be like OH WHY YOU NEED A CAMERA FOR
CUZ I NEED TO CAMWHORE ? =.=
if i dont get it .. ill prolly ask you ppl to buy it for christmas ;-;
fucking induction is another pain in the ass .
WHY TUESDAY ?!
WHY THE DAY BEFORE 2ND MP ENDS ?!
WHY FROM FUCKING 5 TO 8 ?!
WHY SEMI FORMAL CLOTHING ?!
WHY BS ?!
arghhhhhhh .
i really wouldnt give a shit ,
if my family dont care about me getting home at like 9
but unfortunately they start bitching when i get home at like 5:30 =_=
WHO THE FUCK GETS RAPED AT 5:30 ?!
retarded as fuck .
yesterday my grandma spilled the soup
i wanted to clean it up right
but then i remembered a few months ago
i spilled something and i tried to clean it up
and then she bitched at me for using the wrong towel =.=
so this time i didnt bother helping her to clean it up
and then she bitched at me for not cleaning it up .
okay , my fault .
and then she started bitching about how my uncle
didnt drink the soup
she didnt say
anything about her spilling the soup
now thats
really over the top
my dad got pissedddd and went like
"youve done a lot for this family , we all know that , but youre always complaining about stuffs , even the things that arent wrong ! xinru was wrong for not cleaning it up , so when you bitched at her i didnt say anything ; but YOU were the one who spilled it and now youre blaming steven for not drinking the soup ?! he doesnt HAVE to drink it right now .. "
she didnt say anything .
i was like AHAHAHA BITCH GOT OWNED in my head .
i actually really wanna know
if tbs being near me on purpose ..
cuz if he does ,
then ill feel like SUCH A WINNER
like , AHAHAHAHAHHAHHA LOSER THATS WHAT CHU GETTT SON
okay .. enough .
i need to do homeworkkk :[
when it comes around , push it outta the way .
i dont really have a lot of homeworks
but recently my development drawings are taking me A LOT of time .
like at least double of the time of regular drawings >_>
and its due thursday , walk in
if i get a lot of hw tmrw ill be dead .
anyway , so I HATE MATH .
I DID TERRIBLE ON THE TEST
SO IMMA END UP WITH ANOTHER 70 AGAIN THIS MP
maybe less .
THAT SON OF A BITCH COLLECTED THE EASY HW TODAY
AND HE WAS LIKE
ILL MARK IT INCOMPLETE IF YOU DONT COPY THE QUESTIONS
LIKE YOU WILL REALLY READ THE QUESTIONS FOR EVERY SINGLE HW RIGHT =.=
ugh .
fucking anthony was acting like a dick to me
and then thomas was being emo again .
and then fucking tb !
i already complained 10 times about how he was walking right next to me last week
and TODAY
he decides to be next to me again when we got outta the g train
if it wasnt for the brooklyn bound g ppl
i wouldnt have been stuck there with him -_-
and then me and alyssa were at the line waiting to swipe in
peter was like somewhere in the backk
when i turned around and i saw mcchicken
and then i got into the doors
and then he somehow squished in and popped outta no where and CUT ME
the only thing i saw was just like
GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN
i was like FUCK .
i swear to god it was so fucking awkward
all i can do is just put my head down >.<
I WISH HE WOULD GET JEALOUS SOMETIME
i still wish that kelvin would like me .
but my reaction would be different
ill slap him and bitch at him
and then ill think about it LOL
YOUVE BEEN SCARED OF ME FOR LIKE 10 FUCKING MONTHS
NOW YOU TELL ME YOU LIKE ME AFTER I DONT WANT YOU ANYMORE ?
i never really thought about what i would do though
other than bitching and slapping .
cuz i dont think that its gonna happen
so whyyyyy bother :D
i dont like him anymore
but he still occupies at a certain spot of my heart
more like "that stupid retard that has no taste omg so weird to see himmm"
sigh .
anywayyy have a good night :)
what is your heart beating for ?
i am sad
but its not cuz of him . YAY
imma be emo in my post today .. sigh
i am having a .. i guess deep convo with sebastian
and it makes me sad
cuz recently ppl just keep telling me how their families are fucked up
and i feel like i can totally relate to them
i dont know what we are living for .
ive always wanted happiness
but it seems to be nowhere in sight without freedom .
i am tired of getting told that i am a retard
i am tired of getting screamed at for some little shit like wiping the table
i am tired of being scared to do this and that
i am tired of getting nagged
i am tired of not being able to have fun
sometimes i just wanna talk back
sometimes i just wanna tell you that youre a hypocrite
sometimes i just wanna tell you to stfu
sometimes i just wanna pack my shit and run out of this house
sometimes i just wanna fuck everything and get a ticket back to china
but i cant .
i remember that once i was complaining to my mom
about how my grandma was a bitch
and then i was so stressed that i started crying
and then my mom cried too
i dont want her to be sad
shes prolly the person that i care about the most in this world .
i dont think she and my dad are that close ..
i even suspected him of having affairs when i was like 11 LOLOLOLOL
and now her only child , me , is in another country ..
shes already having enough .
so i stopped complaining to her .
and i held everything in .
it hurts , but if i make her feel terrible , it would hurt more .
i remember breaking down in front of her this summer
cuz my cousin in china was a total bitch
i wanted to say shit back to her but i didnt
cuz i didnt want to make my grandma in china feel bad
i got really stressed and i cried
its been like that since forever .
other ppl are always the one doing something wrong
and i am always the one getting stressed
the one holding the pain in
cuz i dont want to make everyone feel bad
i dont want ppl i care about to be in trouble
i am always the "mature" one but i never got anything out of it .
you ppl really think that i wont fuck you up ?
when you push me out of my limits , ill have to .
i will do anything to get out of this house when i graduate high school .
i dont care what she says .
by then ill be eighteen
i will be able to do whatever i want .. hopefully .
i just dont know anymore .
it 11:11 .
and i kinda wish that i wont see him tmrw .
at least , not in the train station .
when i see him i cant help but look at him
but like i dont really feel anything for him anymore .
i guess its just a habit
just like my stalking .
sigh .
this made me sad .
: i really dont wanna go to school :[
: i dont really wanna seee him ..
: come on, its just one more year
when i saw entering september 2010 on the tests today
i got kinda sad too .
iono if i still like him or not anymore .
when raymond called me
i actually kinda wished that he would talk to him
even though i was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more scared about it
same thing with michael .
i kinda wish that somehow he would figure that i was the girl
and tell him about it .
yes i am creating antecedant confusions here .
but thats the point xP
okay i should sleep .
finished writing this in 5 min wowww .
where did my lovey dovey feelings go ?
so yesterday i actually got to the train station early for once :]
and then the train came and i sat down
i saw him walking past the door in front of me on the platform
and then he went back and got in from the door in front of me o_o
so then i walked into the cafeteria with peter
and then i saw him turning his head ..
he prolly saw me :T
after lunchh i went to the center staircase ;-;
so then i got home
and then i saw that AMAZING PICTURE Dx
god he just looks so fucking dark and yellow and his hairs gelled >.<
WHAT A CAMWHORE FAIL
if he ever gets caught for somehting
this picture is the first thing he should destroy
in case they use it against him T-T
i should comment and tell him that he fails
dont crush his little heart, hun
thats why hes a meannn little bitch :x
o1nKErzxp : lmaoooo so mean!!
EPIC CAM WHORING FAIL!!!!
NOW MY STATUS ISNT MEAN AT ALL
okay idr anything anymore :x
lets talk about today .
this morning YAYAYAY i didnt see him :]
and then during lunch
I SAW HIS FUGLY HAIR
OMFG LIKE I WAS GUESSING IF IT WAS LIKE THAT
CUZ HE SAID THAT HIS PF PIC WAS TAKEN YESTERDAY
AND HIS HAIR WAS MAD UGLY
BUT SEEING IT IN REAL LIFE IS JUST
OMG
ITS LIKE MEXICAN SPIKING MIXED WITH ABC SPIKING >.<
so uglyyyyyyyyy ];
what nice taste hes got .
ugly pf pic and now UGLY hair
thank god i didnt see his face .. or else i would have prolly gone dying .
talking about taste ..
OMFGGGGG I THINK I SAW THAT JEANNIE GIRL TODAY
I WAS LIKE WAITING FOR PETER TO FUCKIGN COME OUTTA HEALTH
AND THEN I SAW THIS GIRL THAT LOOKS LIKE HER
I WAS LIKE OMGGG
-points at xinru- I SEE TB!
-xinru turns- WHERE?!?!?!?!
me: he went to the girls bathroom =D
omg stupid raymonds a bitch
he kept saying like "KELVINNN TALKK TO ME" and suchh >.<
grrrr i hope that hes not gonna sayy anything to tb tmrw at osa D:
I GOT 100 ON MY AP WORLD TESTSSSS
under the curve .. that is .
but still :]
84 on the trig test ><
i made retarded mistakes like x^2-4 and then i got x= +-2 right
but SOMEHOW I PUT THE SQUARE ON TOP OF THE X AGAIN DDDDD;
wtfs wrong with meeeee .
grrrr work tmrw and shsat on sunday FML
i got a big pimple T^T
you guys should comment/like my pf pic
cuz I LOVEEEEEEE IT ♥
i am like really random right now cuz i am writing this and watching youre beautiful at the same timee
GO MINAMS A FUCKING RETARD
AND UEES A BITCFH
SHINWOOOOOOOO MY POOOR SHINWOO
jealousy is the green eyed monster , yes yes .
i am not pissed , but i am extremely annoyed at that jeannie girl .
i know i know i know I AM JEALOUS >.<
but at least it wasnt like last time with yvonne
where i couldnt even fucking sleeeeeep !
grrrrrrr .
after those fucking
"HI BOYFRAN :D" "HI JEANNIES BOYFRAN :D" comments
now we have
"V They say you cuteeeeeee!" "Really?" "Lmaos would i lie to you!"
i just wanna fucking comment on it and go like
FUCKTARD SHES LYING TO YOU EVEN THE PERSON WHOS FUCKING CRUSHING ON YOU THINK THAT YOURE NOT THAT GOOD LOOKING
UGHHHHHHHH FDSKLJSDFKLJFDSLJKSFDJKLSDFJLKFSDJLK
i am also pissed at
myself for getting jealous ..
just like how i was pissed cuz i said that i wont look at him at lunch
and i still did
AND I EVEN WANTED TO FOLLOW HIM AFTER LUNCH
KILL ME RIGHT NOW .
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME
WHATS SO GOOD ABOUT HIM
NOTHING
BUT ITS JUST LIKE
A FUCKING HABIT
YOU KNOW LIKE WHAT PARIZMAN SAID IN CLASS ABOUT WHATEVER DRUG IT WAS
ITS NOT PHYSICAL ADDICTION
ITS
PHYCHOLOGICAL ADDICTION
i was like complaining to raymond
and the first thing he said was
"you still like him >.>"
gee , didnt have to be that straightforward T_T
we all know that i still do .. FUCKMYLIFE
DOESNT IT REMIND YOU OF YVONNE ?!
well, i dont really know yvonne but sure..
remember how yvonne was like
CUTIE BLAH BLAH I LOVE KELVIN BLAH BLAH
AND HERE COMES THE JEANNIE GIRL LOOKING WORSE THAN YVONNE D;
yvonnes kinda pretty except shes mad dark
lol is this jeannie girl dark?
LOL I CANT BELIEVE THAT YOU COUSIN WOULD LOOK LIKE THAT
OMG i really wanna comment under that wallpost
and be like THATS BULLSHIT DONT TRUST HER LOL
and if they question me ill be like
I THINK I HAVE THE MOST RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT HIS APPEARANCE SINCE I CRUSHED ON HIM AND I NEVER THOUGHT THAT HE WAS THAT CUTE
when we say someone is cute, we usually say that because that person is like younger XD
LOLOLOL youre a counterexample :3
because i have this problem with puberty
rofl i think he prolly does too >_>
just not as severe
ohhhh my goddd WTF IS WRONG WITH THE SENIOR GIRLS NOWADAYS
i think they're just playing XD
well prolly about the boyfran part
but i doubt that "they say that youre cute' is a joke ><
it could be an insult too XD
INSULT HIS FUCKING ASS OFF
i would ditch tb for youuuuuuuu ANY TIME
after i bitched here i feel so much better :)
DIANAS SUCH A CUTIEEEEEEE
♥
hehehe grrrrrr hw >.<
how bootless to admire, when fated to despair !
i didnt know what to put for the title
so i went to wiki and searched love LOL
and then i went to unrequited love
and saw "anna , thy charms" by robert burns
i like how it sounds .
talking about wiki
i cant believe that theres actually a page for obsessive love D:
Moore, Forward and Buck believe that rejection is the trigger of obsessive love - also known as love addiction or relationship addiction. They state four conditions to help identify it, namely, a painful and all-consuming preoccupation with a real or wished-for lover, an insatiable longing either to possess or be possessed by the target of their obsession, rejection by or physical and/or emotional unavailability of their target, and being driven to behave in self-defeating ways by this rejection or unavailability.
Characteristics indicative of obsessive love are:
- Obsessive lovers believe that only the person they fixate on can make them feel happy and fulfilled.
- Persons close to the love-obsessed can also be greatly affected. Witnessing a friend or family member suffer from the disorder can be distressing.
- The person obsessed cannot accept the other person to be happy when they are suffering.
i need some regression therapy LOLOL
he should thank god that i am not those crazy bitches that will commit suicide or homicide :P
anyway ,
i decided get over him
but then this morningg i was sitting in the g train studying for the chem test
and then he walked by
i only saw the shoes and the legs and i could tell it was him ........
god what kind of proass stalker am i ?!
my heart was beating SOOOO fucking fast
and i just wanted to run awayy
fight or flight response right theree D:
well when we were about to get off the train
i wanted to go first but then i didnt wanna be that close to him
so i just let him go in front of me
and then i walked ULTRA FAST AND LEFT HIM BEHIND :D
i still have
some self control after all
and then lunch as i was walking to the table
i saw him coming in like behind gurpreet
and then gurpreet went like "asian ladyy"
so i turned around , and went like "youre just jealous of my asianessss"
and he passed , right next to me .
i said that to gurpreet cuz i kinda wanted him to walk pass me ;-;
i suckkk ><
stupid raymondd once lied to me that he was related to tb
so this time when he told me that he works at osa and saw tb
i was like NO YOURE LYING YOU CANT BE WORKING THERE
grrrrrr .
i dont want him to scare the fuck outta tb !
i bet he wouldnt wanna hear anything about me anyways .
BIG IMPROVEMENT .
i didnt walk around the neighborhood todayy trying to see if i can see him anywhere ..
no school tmrw so yessssss i dont see him .
another thing that i am happy about is that
even though i barely studied for the 3 tests that i had today
i still did okayy ..
we will see what happens on wednesday D:
ps . i cant believe that school crap only took me like 3 lines while stuffs about him took a whole page -_-"
