my heart is like that crack in the sidewalk you walk on every day .: October 2009

i finally realized that hes not worth it .

Oct 29, 2009 10:45 PM | 2 Comments

idk why but when i got outta the house today
it was really late .
i got to the train station and i saw the g train leaving again ,
but this time its the g train that barely makes it in time !
so i was like .. imma be late to soph tech again .. OH WELL AT LEAST I WONT SEE HIM
i was like 2 min late :T
and then i barely finished my job 8 ..
my lettering looked like crap .

so then lunch .
i was standing in the line with nana
and even though i didnt really want to see him
i still kept looking at the door .
thank god i didnt see him coming in from there .
~~my eyes got a little watery when~~ i was like talking about my plan
i will try to not see him/look at him
and then ill try to not talk about him
and then ill try to not think about him
and eventually ill be over him .
me and florence were too scared to do it .
plus we were like kinda depressed about it
so yeah .. we didnt go up to their table to ask for donation .
i mean , i know that i should face the reality and all
and i am doing that
i would make him hurt me again to get it over with
but then i dont wanna get hurt anymore ..
my heart is just too weak for that .
so like , metaphorically ,
he stabbed me , but it wasnt deep enough
and then i made him stabbed me again
and left me a scar
but then , the healing process hurts like fuck
and its going really really really slowly
so i just wanna stab myself so deep that ill just die and reborn
but i am afraid of the pain of stabbing myself ..
or making him stabbing me ..
do you get what i am talking about ?

okay anyway
i only glanced at him for like 1 second today
yay .
i needa finish chem hwww D:
cuz i was like reading love stories before LOL
love stories always make me feel good !

i can live without a boyfriend or a crush

but i definitely cant live without love storiessss ♥

truth always hurts you like crap .

Oct 28, 2009 6:42 PM | 7 Comments

imma go in backwards time orderrr todayyyy .
so i just read someones tarot reading for me
and it was like
"you guys wont be together , you know that you guys dont really have a chance when you confessed to him but you still cant let go cuz you think that hes perfect for you . however you didnt leave him a good impression and since he knows that you like him , he doesnt want to be close to you cuz he doesnt want you to think that he likes you back ."
i think its pretty accurate .
but ahmad was like nahh they just make up really general stuffs
but it really doesnt matter .
i need something to believe in ,
so ill be able to get over him faster .
and obviously i just wont listen to anyone of my friends ,
.. i dont even listen to myself !
tmrws the day that saturns leaving my love sector .
hopefully my misery will be ended .

ahmad is a sick bastard .

: Write a letter saying how much you hate his faggoty ass

: and then NOT mail it to him

: but it somehow always falls into his hands

: and then he reads it

: and then he cries

: if i know where he lives

: i can just put it into his ..

: Penis?

: =.=

: HE DOESNT HAVE ONE :O

: Haha, not after you insert it there ;-;

: >_>

okay so now lets talk about school .

and report cards todayy .. wasnt really excited or nervous about it

92 avg is okay i guess .

i knew that imma get a 70 in trig .

but its so not fair that anthony got a 80 cuz his test avg was only like a little bit higher than mee !

andd i knew that imma get 85 in soph tech ,

oh well i am doing better nowadays so its prolly gonna go up next mp

i am satisfied with ap world chem health lab and spanish

all 90 something .

the only one that TOTALLY pissed me off was english .

i got 90s in all of her tests but she gave me a fucking 85 >.<

vivian had like 60 test avg and she got the same thing tooo

wtffff !

when i asked her she went like oh its cuz you missed 2 hws

2 FUCKING HWS = 5 POINTS ?!

YOURE SO NICE EMILY TUCKMAN .

and i thought lau was a betch ;-;

tao gave me this book to study from

i need to workk harder on trig , srsly >.<

okay this morning when i got to the train station

i watched the g train leaving T-T

and then the f came , and he popped outta no where

and went on

i was like O_O and then >:O

later he got on the g at carroll

but like , he was standing right in front of the door thats close to me

and then he walked to the other door and got on there ..

so i was like "fuck you bitch fuck you fuck you fuck you" in my head

and then when i was walking out of the train station

i was behind him again

and i kept praying for him to go into the deli so i would stop cursing him in my mind

and THEN he didnt go into the deli

when i dont want you go in , you do .

when i DO want you to get the hell in , you DONT .

good job kelvin =.=

so then when we were walking towards school

i was like "diediediediestupidretardihateyoudiealreadysrslysostupidomg"

i tried so hard to not to GLARE at his back and look like imma kill him .

rofl .

i dont really have the guts to go to his table for the donation thingy ..

AHHH .

i need to face the reality and get the fuck over him .

HES NOT WORTH IT

WHAT THE FUCK DO I SEE IN HIM

HIS I-AM-SO-COOL-CUZ-I-AM-AN-UPPERCLASSMAN-NESS ?!

my god , you dont even look like a JUNIOR

dont even mention a senior >_>

eek stiff shoulders .

Oct 27, 2009 9:30 PM | 2 Comments

i dont have much hw tonight .

plus i forgot to bring my spanish and chem work sheets home Dx

i am so forgetful :T

I WILL NOT TURN THIS INTO A STALKERS BLOG !

so i will not mention stuffs like

~~"OMG HES WEARING A BRIGHT BLUE SHIRT TODAY AND I SAW HIM LIKE IN THE TRAIN BEGINNING OF LUNCH AND END OF LUNCH"~~

even though you wouldnt wanna read about it ,

i still said it anyways D;

oh well .

so ~~i was being stalkerish and~~ i found some more pics of him ..

and i showed them to nana

and we were like laughing at themm ..

SHE STILL THINKS THAT HE LOOKS LIKE A MONKEY WTF X-X

i am planning to do the donation thingy for nhs ,

so that i can get 5 points ..

i went like "YOU SHOULD DO THIS ~~AS AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO YOUR CRUSH~~" to someone

and shes like OMFG ILY

i am so smart mwahaha !

but i dont really have the guts to do it to tb

cuz he knows that i like him and stuffs

and then hes gonna look at me awkwardly

like how he always did when i talkkk to him ><

omg report cards tmrw .

i am scared to see my trig grades ..

i know that i passes but like ..

a 70 is still pretty bad ..

and my average is gonna be so low cuz of trigggggg !

fml .

Gimme a kim jonghyun please T-T

Oct 26, 2009 10:51 PM | 2 Comments

so after an hour and something i finished my job 7 for tech drawing .

it looks disgusting ..

cuz i kept thinking about my math test tmrw .. GAH

i think imma fail

cuz i was planning to have like an hour to study for it

but then i procrasinated by fixing the stupid theme with connie ..

CONNIEE IF YOU FAIL THE TEST AGAIN

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE HERE .. D:

its not that iono the materials

its just that i panic and i make RETARDED mistakes

like (x+1)(x+2)=x^2+3x+3

ughsdfjhdfsjkldfskljsdfklj i am so worried .

okay so tmrw imma study and think about my world essay in the train

and ill do english and spanish during lunch .

i wish i have a kim jonghyun so ill be HAPPY even under stresses like this ♥

the day the saturn leaves my love sector is coming closer and closer ..

hmm , i wonder what will happen D:

suffocating .

Oct 25, 2009 6:25 PM | 3 Comments

fuckkk .

i spent like an hour looking for new templates when i was supposed to be doing hw ..

I HAVE SO MUCH HW

BUT I DONT WANNA DO ANY ONE OF THEM :[

i hate schoooool .

tuckmann stop being a blonde and use your brain !

how can we find 4000-word resources -_- !~!!!!

UGH I AM SO PISSED

I DONT WANNA GO TO FUCKING SCHOOL > 3<

and like .. i started getting sad and shit
yeah .. like whats gonna happen to me ?
susan miller said like the last week of octobers gonna be really romantic .
i really really really want to trust her ,
but then .. i dont want to give myself false hope .
its not like i really want to date him
cuz dating is just too annoying .
i just wanna be really good friends with him ..
to the point where we will hug each other
we will talkk a lot and such .
sigh .

SO COLD .

Oct 15, 2009 6:08 PM | 0 Comments

its freezing cold todayy .
when i got off the bus i saw him across the street and i just started running involuntarily
no i wasnt running away from him i was running towards him ><
i came back into my senses pretty soon and then i bitched at myself and stopped running
and i was like stalking his fb a few mins ago ..
ughhhhhhh i am so mad at myself >:[

anyways
so i showed nana when he walked into the cafeteria
and she was like LOL HE DOESNT LOOK UGLY BUT HE LOOKS FUNNY
........ -_-"
WHATEEEEEEEEEEVER .

the math test today was easierr than i thoughtt
i actually finished all the question except the last one
MR.TAO TAUGHT ME HOW TO DO IT BEFORE
BUT SOMEHOW I COULDNT FACTOR IT ANYMORE
oh well at least i passed this time :)

omggg i think that we are not gonna draw those fucking blocks in soph tech anymore

THANK GOD X 1000000000

i srsly cant draw those shit for a whole semester
ill dieeeeee like that Dx

it was like raining when i got out of the school
and my jacket got wet
that was like the first time i wore it tooo -_-
toris grandma passes away at like almost 2 :[

rest in peace .

when i was in the train
i put my chem review book right next to me
but then when i got out
i forgot it and left it there
i went back to find it before i got outta the train station
and the g train just left in my face
i was like FUCK
and then the 2 freshies waiting for the f train was like
heyy your book !
i was like OMG THANKKK YOUUUU !
pheww .

so , since i dont have a lot of hw
and my 2 tests tmrw are easyyy
ill just do hws that are due on monday xPPP
gotta stop being a procrastinatorr :]

wtf susan miller ?

Oct 13, 2009 6:25 PM | 0 Comments

my cell phone alarm didnt ring for some reason
and my grandma woke me up at like 7:05
which was like 30 min later than the time i usually wake up at >_>
and then i rushed like hell and got to the train station at like 7:28 ?
I SAW THE FUCKING G TRAIN BUT BY THE TIME I RAN TO THE PLATFORM IT LEFT =.=
thank god another one came soon after and i got to ms.eng like 2 min before the bell
or else i would have been using a voodoo doll for the g train LMFAOO

so today is supposed to be like extraordinary romantic ?
since venus trines mars today
but i dont really see how romantic it is >_>
peters absent so i walked up from the southwes
and then i cut into the lunch line , as usual =DDD
i am sorry everyone who i skipped :[
but its so lonely if i was in the back and it would be so awkward when he passes by ..
yeah , its like mad weird to see him
i just started like talking about layers to yiman and looking down to the zipper .. D:
i am such a loser .

in ap world mr. stevens was like I LIKE YOUR SMILE
and i was like O______O;
everyone started laughinggg
it was sooo freakyyy though LOL

okay psats tmrw .
fucking seniors are so luckyyy !
they get to sleep T-T
thank god we come in before 2nd =D
i love not having ms.engs class !
but that means we have less time to do job 4 ..
AHHH FUCK MY LIFE
okay imma keep making my flashcards .. ><