my heart is like that crack in the sidewalk you walk on every day .

fate loves fucking with me .

2010-05-13T20:23:00.001-04:00

Day 13 — A fictional book
guiyeoni - outsider

a typical story .
a normal looking girl getting into a rich house and then fall in love with the cold handsome guy while another nice hotties just there loving her ..
and of course i am in love with eunchan , the nice hottie .
eunchans not typical .. hes like a kid , but he still became mature and decided to stepped away -sighs-
i dont understand why the dumb bitch would ever choose haru ..
he at first was obviously using her , and he never really bothered to give her any warmth .. or sweetness .
when he wants her he gets all bossy when he doesnt then he would just be so cold ..
okay i know i shouldnt be talking cuz i am one of those losers too but ..
IF I HAVE LIKE SOME OTHER HOTTIES AROUND ME THEN FUCK THAT BITCH YO ! LOL

i still cant forget the scene where haru gave her gum and then told her to spit it out
she wouldnt do it so he frenched her in the elevator and when the door opened eunchan was right there ..
WHAT A GREAT BIG BROTHER -_______-
HARU BITCH .

anyway .
todays a bad day .
at lunch i was like "iwontlooktowardshistableiwontlookiwontlook"
so i looked the other way
and then he came all of a sudden from the other way
and our eyes met for like 1 second
and then he walked past me
and i was like dropping onto the floor accidently LMFAOOOOO
I AM LIKE RIGHT HERE
TRYING SO HARD
AND HE JUST RUINS IT
UGH -_-

AND NOW HE LIKES "99 ways to start a conversation with someone you like ♥♥."
after "how to make a girl smile ♥♥" and some shit like "i love my bed but would rather be in yours"
NOW YOU WANNA START A CONVO .. NICE
GOOD LUCK NIGGA
WATCH YOU NOT GET A GF EVERR
i love nanas response though ..

NANAsOrangeStar (7:27:56 PM): CUZ OF COURSE HE NEEDS COMMUNICATION HELP

LOLOLOLOL<3

anyway , took the ap world practice exam today ..
it was SO . FUCKING . DETAILED !
LJFSKKLJSDFJKLFDSJFKLSDJLKFSDJLK
i was like wtf wtf wtf on all of them
thank god i like .. eliminated at least 2 choices for each one
phewww .
I WOULD BE HAPPY WITH 35 RIGHT OUT OF 70 :X
thats so bad ..
I JUST WANT A 4 ON THE AP EXAMMMM THATS IT LOL
fuck getting a 5 .. it will never happen unless i get all 9s on all 3 essays
me simon and anthony walked to atlantic after the test
they wanted to play pool but i was like NAHHHHH
i saw mindy at the station ..
I SWEAR ATLANTIC IS LIKE MIX OF TECH AND STUY KIDSSSS :o

I SHOULD BE STUDYING FOR AP WORLD UGH .

2010-05-12T22:28:00.001-04:00

day 08-12 :xxxxxxxx

Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad

thinking about the society in china makes me really sad sometimes .

Day 09 — A photo you took

<3333

Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago

umm i dont have it here .. D:

Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently

hahahahahahahahahha<3

Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy

i swear to god this looks AND sounds like sorry sorry and super girl -_-
EUNHYUK SO SEXY LAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH <333333

2010-05-07T23:19:00.000-04:00

Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy

taken by selina at mr mrs, tech .
r.i.p mini mohawk D:

ill talk about my day .. later .

omgomgomgomg the 6th .

2010-05-06T20:41:00.001-04:00

Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
gummy - as a man mv

the song itself is like blehh .
but everyones like OMFGGG KIM HYUN JOONG LOOKS SO CUTE IN THE MV
so then i watched it ..
his face and nostrils looked smaller than they were in bof o_o
or maybe its just me ..
anyway .
the lyrics are so sad T T

Since you're a man, since you're a man, you wouldn't know even if you died
Since I'm lacking, Since I'm foolish, I'm only looking at you
Since you're a man, since you're a man, you don't understand me
You probably just want to be free, you probably won't be able to change, because you're a man

so today .
after gym i was like walking slow with amy on purpose
but like .. when i opened the door into the staircase on the 6th
i saw penny coming out of the stairs
and then him .......
i was like all shocked and stuffs
so i stopped for like a second and i was like blushing and shit
and then he kept walking ..
and amy pushed me so i was walking behind him and his friend >///<
ahhhh so embarassingggg .
hes wearing that rainbow shirt that actually is just like different green colors ;x
and then me mabel and xinting are going to bathroom as usual
and when we passed by the lunch place he was at the salad bar or whatever that is
so i was like OH THAT ONE WITH THE RAINBOW SHIRT
and then florence screamed my name so i stopped and talked to her for a while
and then we kept walking and mabel was like "he really does look clueless .. and not pretty"
so i was like "well guys are not supposed to be pretty !"
and then after two seconds mabel was whispering "hes right behind you .."
and then i somehow saw the rainbowy green shade ..
and i was like SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT and put my head like on mabels shoulder to hide my head o.O;;;
idk why i did that ..
isnt it like more obvious that way x_x
ugh . anyway so it was like embarassing as hell ..

me and peter chilled at the park
and then there were this whole bunch of black girls
and they drew stuffs on the road with like color chalks
it was really cute !
so like i tried to not step on it to mess it up
and then they were like mad hyper about how considerate i was
LOLOLOL that was awkwardddd

the college thingy was boring >_>
whatever .
me dawn and yiman were walking to dekalb
and then we saw alyssa andy kevin susan and alyssas poor little son chris
talked to them for a while and left
me and yiman were talking about if her friend irene and zhuolin are going out LOL
saw garick on the g .. then home .

we all know that even fb knows that i am stalking him
so OBVIOUSLY his status update was on my top news again LOLOL

MONKEY
Wtf I just got accepted to hunter...
HIS COUSIN
good job? LOL
MONKEY
i was surprised... i mean its kinda late and i was already planning on doing pharm at st johns...
COUSIN
ooh really? mad good! LOL congratssssssss
MONKEY
im caught in a dilemma... cheaper tuition at hunter? or more expensive in stjohns but its pharm... damn it :(((
COUSIN
do pharmacy! more stable and $
MONKEY
yea but thats like 20k a yr for 6 yrs compared to 5k for 4 yrs @hunter...
COUSIN
and what are you gunna do at hunter -_-
MONKEY
comp sci
COUSIN
LOOOL okay you have fun with that!
MONKEY
FML!!!

I CANT HELP BUT LAUGH
its probbaly karma for rejecting you xD
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OMG I LOVE YOU NANA
ROFLROFLROFLRORLFLROFLROFL
THIS IS JUST SO FUNNNNY
you seem to be a bit high LOL
high off of monkey's unfortunate-ness xD
AHAHAHAHAHHAHHAA
please .. its not even THAT unfortunate
he's prolli confused right now xD
PUHLEASEEE
WHEN IS HE EVER NOT CONFUSED
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL<3
LMAOOOOO
if he saved up his mula
instead of giving all of those money to wrinkly white guys that opened WHITEHOTMANCLOTHESSTORES
maybe he would have more money to pay his st johns tuition
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i cant imagine him being in comp sci though .______.
whateverrr its his choice theyre both in nyc anyway ;x
oh and .. I SUSPECT THAT HE MOVED D;
THIS NIGGA ALSO JOINED "THE WORST FEELING EVER IS FEELING LIKE YOU MISSED YOUR CHANCE"
AFTER HIS "HOW TO MAKE A GIRL SMILE <3 <3" AND "I LOVE MY BED BUT I WOULD RATHER BE IN YOURS"
FUCK YOUUU UGHGHGHGHGHHG

so many ppl already happy early bday to me
cuz they wont see me later LOL
hehehe i feel lovedddd :D
hw timee !

its cinco de mayo !

2010-05-05T21:49:00.000-04:00

Day 05 — Your favorite quote
"To love someone when there is no chance of that love ever thriving, that is romance."

dianas so lucky ..
today he was like walking right behind her again >.<
anyways so i walked towards her ..
wasnt looking at him but hes still within the range of my peripheral view ..
i think he looked at me but you know peripheral views are .. not .. that .. reliable ..
i would only know if i was like staring at him at the same time LOL

hes wearing a white tee todayyy .
when i was walking to the bathroom
i saw him drinking milk ..
and idk why i just thought it was like MAD adorable
and then i just said "hes drinking milk !" like subconsciously x.x
mabel and xinting was laughing at me D:
anyway .. it felt really awkward to see him liking
"It Seems Like When I Become Too Happy, Something Bad Happens."
ahhhhh >.<

our seats got switched today again in spanishhhh
after like mad changing i just ended up moving one seat towards the front ..
but the sad thing is that ..
now joshuas like right next to the seat in front of me
and raymonds right next to the seat behind me T T ..
those two took my pencil and eraser several times today already >;[
after spanish i sprayed stuffs all over raymond cuz he sprayed cologne on me yesterday LOL
and then he took out the cologne T T .....................
and that stupid white dude was just watching againnnnn
he never does anything except watching .. as if its like a drama or something LMFAOO

so i got home today and got a nap for like an hour .
HAVENT HAD A NAP FOR YEARS LOL
but it just made me even more tired ;x
MR.STEVENS GIVING US A PRACTICE AP WORLD EXAM ON THE 13TH
thats so gay ..
i would have to wait till 3 again -_-
and like hes gonna count it as part of the 3rd mp average
and i wont be prepared by the 13th .. fml -_____-
he also keeps giving us the hardest questions to write about
so like most of the classes ended up with a f on the most recent thesis writing cuz we all thought that was comparative instead of change/continuity over time =_=
I REALLY WANT A GOOD GRADE IN AP WORLD T T ..
and math too ......

第四天 !

2010-05-04T17:05:00.001-04:00

Day 04 — Your favorite book

若零－菁菁河畔

i think this is like the first pocket romantic book that i read
the story is really .. plain .
its like a very very very very normal girl who started liking this super smart and hot guy and then blah blah
the plot is extremely cliche but too bad this is one of the cliche plots that i like ..
pure innocent girl with nice caring guys ..
the guys character was cliche-y .. caring .. nice .. waiting for her BUT ITS ONE OF MY MOE MOE MOE MOE POINTS .. -_-"
soooo cute .
and the girl was not retarded contrary to most of the pure innocent girls in love stories ..
she has a very realistic view on things AND shes optimistic about life .
she said stuffs like "its too early to date in hs cuz we are students and our primary concern is education" "i dont love him .. i just need someone to fulfill my idol fantasies" etc
the details in her everyday life are warm as well ..

TOO BAD YOU GUYS CANT READ CHINESE HAHA .
for anyone that wants to read it and find out their proficiency in chinese : http://www.xs8.cn/love/3448/index.html

its not as hot as yesterday ..
but still ..
I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY HES WEARING A BLACK HOODIE AND LONG BLACK JEANS
.. -_-"
when he came in i was on the line ..
so i was like typing in the numbers and staring at the same time -_-
when i was going to the bathroom .. i think he was staring at our direction
but idkkk
and then and then when we were leaving i was standing next to the door ..
i shouldve been peeking ..
but i didnt until the last second cuz i was scared that he would see me behind the door T T
ugh ..
stupid shah gave us hw even though we have like five regents due monday for math hw already =_=
and he was making fun of me saying that he changed my form from bc to stat x.x
he was like talking and talking and talking about all those investment stuffs
and then i was staring at the formulas and started thinking
.. oh shit is this what i actually wanna major in ?
and then i was thinking about like other economics stuffs like
supply and demand and stuffs and then i was like OKAY YES LOL
ap tests started alreadyyy OMGGG
todays compsci and stat D:

day 3 .

2010-05-03T20:09:00.001-04:00

Day 03 — Your favorite television program

shinee's hello baby

LOL AT YOOGEUNS BITCH FACE
i love mr.skinshipnumberoneeee<333
in the beginning i really didnt like yoogeun cuz he acts like a little bitch
especially towards jonghyun >_>
but then they started interacting more and stuffs so :D
JONGHYUN BABYYYYYYYYYY SARANGHAEEEEE

so today ..
he was wearing a white t shirt .. and some light blue shorts ..
when i walked into the cafeteria with alyssa
he wasnt sitting there yet ..
and then we just kept walking
and then i saw him coming
so i turned my head and like .. kept talking to alyssa
and then he stopped to talk to that ralph dude
and then i had to walk pass him
my head was down the whole timeeee T T
and HIS LEGS
HIS FUCKING LEGS WERE LIKE
SO
FUCKING
SKINNY
T__________________________T
fsdkjfsdkjlfsdljkfsdlkjfkljfdskljsfdlkjsdflkj fml .

i wanted to start hw early ._.
but then i ended up reading like 5 love stories -_-"
to the point like
for five seconds i thought it was sunday or something ..
D:

okay . seriously . homework ..
AP WORLD EXAM IN A LITTLE MORE THAN TWO WEEKS T T

30 day challenge :D

2010-05-01T19:47:00.003-04:00

stolennn from conconnnn .
ill prolly split the days later ._.

Day 01 — Your favorite song

shinee - love like oxygen
this song made me fell in love with shinee <3

Day 02 — Your favorite movie

do re mi fa so la ti do

JANG GEUN SUK <33333333 'nuff said .

i really wish that i am a super nerd :[

2010-04-19T20:36:00.000-04:00

so i realized that i havent written anything in like .. forever .
mainly cuz ive been kinda busy .. (?)
and theres like really little stuffs to stalk LOL

so yeah hes settling for st johns 6 year pharmacy program
which means .. if i dont do other crap or fuck up anything ..
we will graduate in the same year ..
WEIRDDDD ._____________.
but omgggg this morning i was walking to the stairs and then he came the other way OMGGGGGGGGGGG
havent seen him in the morning for SOOOOOOOO long ..

yesterday i was listening to stay together
and then boms line made me so sad it was something like i promised to say goodbye but i cannot forget
:[
kennys right .. i am too fixed on him and i am way too conscious ..

still stuck between ab and bc .
SOCIAL LIFE VERSUS NERDY LIFE
blehhhh .
i really want bc though ..
but reading penns site made me feel a LITTLE better ..

talking about the stupid ap exam
the world one is EXACTLY ONE MONTH AWAY
holy shiiiiiiit .
i only read 2 chapters of the prep book x.x

and stupid sat 2s are not that far either ..
almost done with chem ..
havent started math yet
MY BACK HURTS LIKE FUCKING SHIT TODAYYYY
it always feels mad stiff and shit but today its like MAJORRRRRRR TIREDNESS and AWKWARDNESS
my body is not in a good enough shape for intense readinggggg ><

yeah .. i found more ssr ppl (:
i guess ill just make a closer bond to those ppl ~
there are some of them that i am not very fond of though -_-
oh my goddddddddddd .

ANYWAY .
FINGERS CROSSED FOR A 5 ON THE AP EXAM AND 800 ON EACH ONE OF MY SAT2S <333
T T

NERDAY RANJAAAAAAAR

2010-03-31T22:29:00.002-04:00

so yeah its spring break but i dont really have a lot of plans ..
or you can say .. i really want to somehow finish reading three fucking prep books in a week -_-
the weathers really messed up and my wallets really messed up so .. those are also .. T-T
so YES i actually planned to read my sat 2 chem math book and my ap world review book ..

anyway yesterday i was supposed to .. read and do math hw ..
but while i was doing math .. i got sidetracked like A LOT cuz shahs hw is THAT gay .
so i ended up not reading anything and today .. i got sidetracked again but I MUST FUCKING FINISH THAT FUCKING HW BITCH TONIGHT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
um yeah i am like really mad right now cuz his hw is just so fucking gay
THAT BITCH FACE
THE FONT IS SO DAMN FUCKING SMALL I EVEN NEED A MAGNIFYING GLASS AND I AM NOT KIDDING AT ALL
KLJFSDJLKFDSJLKFDSJKL BITCH
THIS SHIT IS SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING
SO MANY QUESTIONS THAT HE NEVER EVEN FUCKING TAUGHT ABOUT
I SERIOUSLY HATE THAT BITCH

hello baby ep 11 subs are still not out T___________________T
jonghyun babys bdays coming uppp <3333333
and hyoris h logic is coming out on that day too <3
um .
i havent been on aim cuz i dont wanna get bothered by random fucking ppl sorry x.x

um .
went to karaoke on monday and it was funnnn :3
except there was this fucking emoass bastard who messed up the mood of everyone -_-
whatever .

i wonder if bing accepted him .

imma change the layout soon ..
ill do it tonight if i somehow manage to finish shahs fucking hw before 12 =.=

i dont want to know the major results .
ill most likely end up in ssr with no one thats close to me .
yet i still cant wait for junior year because sophomore years just crap .
ive been waiting for summer since september .
ill miss him when he leaves .
i truly miss freshman year .

i am pretty sure some of you already know that my dream schools wharton of upenn ..
but now ill even .. push .. myself .. more ..
CUZ OMG THE HUNTSMAN PROGRAM LOOKS SO FREAKING AWESOMEEEEE
like .. really ..
since i really want to go back to china after i graduate and crap
and like at least one semester of studying abroad is required :33333
and like holy shit the best colleges in china :o even though theyre not in gz but still
OH EM GEEEEEEE MOMMMYYYYYYYY <3333
but the acceptance rate .. T-T
its like .. around .. 7 percent ..
but well still OMG HOLY SHIT MOMMYYY

okay i really should finish shahs god damn hw ..
even though i have like a headache AND cramps -_______-

majors can suck my nonexistent dick .

2010-03-11T21:17:00.001-05:00

the major selection that i had been looking forward to has finally come .
and now its giving me mental breakdowns .

when i first came to tech i wanted to go to media cuz of photoshop
and then i wanted to go to math but then i gave up cuz of the triple pds cal bc/physic c
and then i got somewhat brainwashed by ms.eng and wanted to go to arch for like one day LOL
and then i was stuck between ssr and ias ..
after i persuaded myself that ill somehow survive ap english in ias
NOW THERES NO MORE IAS !

great .
just great .
i was so devastated by the news ..
at first i was just complaining about how the name is stupid and etc ..
but i was still leaning towards cp ..
ppl kept talking about it and i just kept spazzing ..
and then today i dragged selina to go to the conference
that asher was like no more ias the new college crap is OPEN TO EVERYONEEEEEEEE
I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK ?!

idk .
i am just really devastated .
its like after ive used so much of my courage to make myself pick ias
now its just gone ........
even though its similar its not the same anymore ........
ias means so much to me .
and college prep is just .. -_-
THE NAMES DESPERATE
THE REQUIREMENTS ARE EASY
THEYRE JUST FUCKING MAKING ANOTHER POTENTIAL POTHEAD MAJOR
=.=

whatever .
it would be really reallyyyy hard for me to persuade myself again -_-
it used to be like
ias - overacheivery
ssr - underacheivery
so i was going for overacheivery
but now ssr has double pd apush too ._.
so its like around the same now ..
GAHHHHHH .

i really hate the idea of a major system
basically the amount and the type of aps are fixed once youre in a major
and unlike college , you cant change it ..
the major we pick in tech is prolly gonna be like FARRRR from the major we pick in college ..
theres no point
CANT WE JUST PICK WHATEVER AP CLASSES WE WANT INSTEAD OF HAVING ALL THESE FUCKING FIXED REQUIREMENTS JESUS CHRIST ?!
college crap is still crappy though LOL .
SELF STUDYING APS FTW LOLOLOLOLOLOL

waiting for someone to interpret my tarot reading on this LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
and imma talk to my mom about it tmrw ..
majors that i have some interests in : ssr cp chem id math
majors that i have been brainwashed about : arch biomed las ( i believe that forensics with ms.sirianni would be awesomeeeeee <3333)
majors that i will not go no matter what : electro compsci aero civil enviromental
media doesnt fit into any of them LOL
and i wont even bother with gateway ..
so yeah .. D:

edit on 3/12 :
ranks are out .. :/
most of them are pretty satisfying but the rank for las&ssr are just .. fucked up T^T

Major	Your PI	Last Year's Cut Off PI	Your PI Rank Among This Year's 1164 Students
Aerospace Engineering	392	331	22
Architecture	395	338	31
Biological Sciences	291	261	33
Biomedical Engineering	291	245	33
Chemistry	389	312	25
Civil Engineering	392	238	22
College Prep	96	N/A	50
Computer Science	392	293	29
Electro-Mechanical Engineering	392	297	22
Environmental Science	291	193	33
Industrial Design	298	217	49
Law and Society	375	323	156
Mathematics	291	227	36
Media	298	217	49
Social Science Research	375	342	156

my family never failed to amaze me .

2010-03-07T18:01:00.000-05:00

so .
my uncle bought the plane tickets for me yesterday -_-
and they were fucking bitching at me about how i didnt tell them to go buy it earlier
DUDE ?
I WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO .
THEY DIDNT EVEN TELL ME THAT THEY WERE GONNA GO BUY THE TICKETS YESTERDAY
WOWWW .

SO ILL BE FUCKING RUNNING OUTTA SCHOOL
ON JUNE 25TH THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL
RIGHT AFTER I GET MY FUCKING REPORT CARD
and i gotta go early too cuz theyre assigning the seats based on when you sign in =.=
GO FUCKING DIE
I WAS SO MAD YESTERDAY
CUZ THEY DIDNT TELL ME SHIT
AND THEN THEY DECIDED OUTTA NOWHRE
AND BOUGHT THE TICKETS ON THE 25TH
THEYRE NOT EVEN GOING
AND THEY DIDNT BOTHER ASKING MY OPINION AT ALL
THEY JUST DECIDED THAT ILL JUST GTFO ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL
AND COME BACK A WEEK BEFORE SCHOOL

NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT MY DAD WAS BEING A LAZY FUCKER
AND TOLD ME TO REGISTER FOR THE MEMBER CARD MYSELF
DUDE ?
YOU PPL NEVER TREATED ME AS I AM CAPABLE OF TAKING CARE OF MYSELF
AND NOW I GOTTA BE "INDEPENDDENT" AND DO ALL THE SHIT ?
SO YOU DONT LET ME OUT CUZ NYC IS FUCKING "DANGEROUS"
AND YOU THINK THAT I CAN TOTALLY SURVIVE 24 HOURS BY MYESLF IN A FUCKING AIRPORT ?

STOP BEING FUCKING HYPOCRITES !
AFTER I COME BACK
IF THEY GO BITCH ABOUT HOW I CANT HANG OUT CUZ ITS DANGEROUS
ILL FUCKING PUNCH THAT BITCH IN THE FACE

=.=
so . fucking . pisssed .
OH WELL ITS NOT LIKE I WANNA BE WITH YOU FUCKERS DURING THE SUMMER

i want to at least hang out with ppl on the last day of school :[
and another reason is that ..
thats last day that i have ANY chance of seeing him ..
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ill get over him over the summer .
i hope ..
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i hate this FUCKING MAJOR system =.=
i am still so fuckinggg confused ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

BITCH TURNING EIGHTEEN ;O

2010-03-03T23:09:00.000-05:00

so this week is .. gay .

LAST WEEKS PREFECT WAS OH SO BEAUTIFUL .
.. kinda .
so after gym i went to find selina and then we walked past zebras prefect room like 4 times LOLOLOL
i couldnt really see his face but yeah ..
he looks like a cutieeeeeeeeeeee LOLOLOL
but hes white and blonde so not really my type >_>
and then we stayed in the staircase watching johnny weirs pokerface performance in korea ..
jesus christ he looks so gayyyyyyyyyy in the homosexual way ;-;

on saturday me and alyssa had some interesting convo :3
whatever i said are in purple .

hehehehehee your boyfrans closeish fran is working with me nowz AHAHAHAHAH YOUR BOYFRANS ARENT CUTE
... why do i care? at least hes not as urgly as ur boyfrand.
just want you to be jealous and shut up at least he doesnt have a giant body and a small head
i'm not even close to jealous yet. yeah well... your boyfrand is...short so at least mine isnt some tiny pale ass, not that i know his ass is pale
i am short too so its all good . imagine if you and your boyfran go out and then you have to stand on a chair to kiss him :D ME AND HIM WILL MAKE THE PALEST ASIAN BABY ON EARTH MWAHAHA if i ever get the chance to make one with him -_-
eww. ur too good for him. and i think it'll look funny. prbly cuz hes uglay. hes not THAT tall. just a good 2 ft :/ i dont even wanna think about u two making a baby together. i wonder if it'll turn out as uglay as its father or as fobby as its mommy. it'll prbly get both XD
bitch . the babys gonna be intelligent and sexy like me while cluelessly cute like his/her father .. :D dont worry i wont name my son william cuz then he will be william lam AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
*cough* sure he will . keep thinking that . ugh try not to make another annoying touchyfeely ass :D
i will never even get the chance to even touch him -___- damn maybe i should go for white girls ahahahaha but then theyre slutty :x
true . hes too freaked by u. ur not the white girl type so dont take them from me ;D
shuttttttt up . YOUR BOYFRANS ARE ASIAN ! i need more pale ass guys in my life
my girlfrand was halfff. and i prefer asian bois over white bois . lololol
mixed boys in tech are ugly .. idk why . asian boys in tech are either smart looking aka nerdy or athletic looking aka tanned as fuck .. white boys are either wapanese or too white for me
how bout we just agree that tech doesnt have good enough guys XD
:D ! only one i found was a hoe ohohoho -_-
lololololol

so this week is like march !
which means .. sigh .. his bdays coming up .
on monday ,
i went to the train station after school ..
and then i was like O.O for like .. a few seconds
cuz HE WAS THERE
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THIS SCHOOL YEAR
HES AT THE G TRAIN STATION AFTER 8TH ;OOOOOOOO
I WAS LIKE MAD EMBARASSED AND SHOCKED AND I WAS LIKE COVERING MY FACE WITH MY JACKET AND TALKING TO MY FRIEND CASUALLY ABOUT SOME CRAP SO IT WOULD SEEM LESS AWKWARD
GAHHHHHHHHHHHH ..

and then somehow dawn convinced me into giving her my old sn to talk to him
and then they did ..
it was kinda boring .. talking about majors
dfskjlfdsljkdfkljdfkljsfdlksldfk obviously he wasnt interested in the conversation LOLLL

and then on tuesday ..
i went to school at the same time ..
and then i went in from the center doors
and then when i was walking towards the center stairs
he came out and walked past me ..
it took me like 2 seconds to realize that its him but yeah he left already and i was like O.O again D:

and then today ..
only saw him when i was walking to bathroom
and then i realized that ..
he got a haircut .
A REALLY BAD ONE .
its like asianbuzzy and mohawky at the same time ..
actually it looks more like his mom cut it for him and fucked up :x
i named it MOMMY-CUT-IT-FOR-KELKEL hair ..
LMFAO yeah cuz it looks .. so childish .

so after lunch we were like walking around the same pace ?
AND THEN ANGEL DRAGGED ME TO THE STAIRS THAT HE TAKES
AND THEN WE WERE LIKE RIGHT BEHIND HIM
AND THEN MY BRAIN AUTOMATICALLY DIED ON ME
SO THEN I WAS LIKE PULLING MYSELF BACK
[ ENDED UP ALMOST SITTING ON THE FLOOR AND EVERYONE BEHIND ME WAS LOOKING AT ME LIKE O.O ]
and then i sorta walked slower so there would be like one person between me and him
but i was still hiding myself with my bag the whole time ......
SIGH .

i like ran to the library after 8th today to sign up for concession for major conferences LOLOLOL
you guys are going right ._______.
i saw ms.eng when i was going outside to buy a bagel
and then the first thing she said was "what major ?"
I WAS LIKE LOLOLOLOLOL

when i went to the deli
two seniors were standing in front of me
so i waited for them to move
and then they turned around
and the white one kept staring at me
so i stared at him back waiting for him to move
and then he finally moved after like 30 seconds
and he asked me for my name and recommended bagel with jelly
[ thank god i have an unique name ahahahahahahha ]
LMFAOOOOOOOOO
awwwwwwwkward .
but mcchicken was with him ._.

okay i think i am done .

HIS BDAY TMRW

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i know the voices dying with a dying fall .

2010-02-23T23:27:00.000-05:00

school , again .
i cant wait for spring break already LOLLLLLL

so yesterday .. dawn texted me during 3rd and told me that he was wearing pink !
i was like SOOOOOOOOOO exciteddddd
but then when i got into lunch i only saw him wearing a black jacket :[
when i checked later i realized that he was wearing a pink polo(?) shirt underneathhhh

PINK SHIRT ON PALE GUYS IS LIKE GAY BUT CUTEEEEEE <3

tanned guys would look like some disgusting mud covered in pink .

i was really tired yesterday
even though i had only 2 hw ..
slept at 12 cuz after i finished hw i started reading love stories ..
its like a habit that formed after the break .
so hard to find good ones nowww :[

so todayyyyy :D
me and amy got outta gym right when the bell rang
and i was like shit hes prolly in the caferteria already
but as i was walking to the cafeteria door
i saw him coming
and i was like AHHHH !
black jacket red hoodie and CHECKERED VANS SLIP ON <33
his hair looks a little messy but in a cute wayyyy :3
so i was like squishing in and stuffs
and like theres like two ppl between us
~~i think that he saw me and then he sorta stopped a little~~
~~so like we wouldnt get in at the same timee~~

and then .. when it was like almost 8
he got on
and then i didnt pay attention cuz he was on mobile yesterday too
and then i realized that HES NOT MOBILE
I WAS LIKE OMFGGGGGGGGGWHATJKLTJLKSDLKFSDKLJ
but yeah
after like an hour of struggling .. and ranting ..
i decided that i wont talk to him
even though i really wanted to
~~i wanted go like YOU STUPID HOE >;[ AM I REALLY THAT CREEPY ? I LOOK BETTER THAN YOU THOUGH LOLOLOL~~
he got off eventually ..
prolly went to sleep .. > 3< sleeping bea~~uty~~r LOL

and then i went to his pf ..
hoping to see something
AND I DID =DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
AHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH
I SAW THAT GET TO KNOW YOURSELF BETTER APP THING
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
~~MORE LIKE GET TO KNOW ME BETTER MS STALKER !~~
okay imma be really creepy and bitchy right now .. BEWARE
i am putting my reactions in red .

Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. bs .You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. WORDD ? TOO MUCH ESTROGEN AND PROGESTERONE GOING UP AND DOWN ? You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long. i know right >_>

Your view on yourself:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are down-to-earth YOURE FUNNY .

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :People like you because you are so straightforward TOOOOOO straight forward actually .

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both side

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You like serious i am mad serious about liking you jesus fucking christ !

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Smart smarter than you -.-

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Determined people VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY determined unfortunately

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You don't judge a book by its cover

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :So good-looking people aren't necessarily your style cuz youre not good looking either , duh

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes FUNNNNNAYYY

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding fuck .

The seriousness of your love:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are very serious about relationships

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like FUCK X 2

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :If you meet the right person

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You will fall deeply

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Beautifully in love FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

Your views on education:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas pft .

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You listen to your own instincts

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Tend to follow your heart

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :So you will probably end up with an unusual job ahemhoboahem xP

The right job for you:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them AHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You need to choose something

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Go for it to be happy

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Achieve success

How do you view success:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are afraid of failure

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous STOP BEING A CHICKEN AND VIEW ME AS THE CREEPY STALKER GEEZ

What are you most afraid of:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble MEMEMEME

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Independence is important to you

HEHEHEHEHEHE

ILL BE WAITING FOR DAWNDAWNS STALKING REPORT TMRWW

AND ME AND SELINA WILL .. FUCK PREFECT AND GO STALK THEM LITTLE KIDS

and again , a whole post about him .

2010-02-19T17:34:00.000-05:00

so i had this dream last night ..
actually , today cuz i slept at 1 >_>
AND IT WAS SOOOOOOO .. CREEPY IN A CUTE WAY D;

most of you already know that me and tb take the same train and we walk the same way ..
so in my dream
we were taking the train ..
i got off first and was walking home
and then like this road was occupied by a bunch of .. tanned asians ..
and like whoever that wants to pass the road has to eat those chinese takeout stuffs
so i started eating o.o
and then he came .. and he started eating too
it kinda felt like me and him were getting kidnapped so it was pretty awkward ..
so i looked at him
and then he smiled at me O_______O
not like the polite smile
like the REALLY REALLY REALLY HAPPY SMILE
gaaaaaah .

on last friday .
after gym me and amy were stuck right in front of the nw cafeteria door
idk what was happeneing but it was either cuz of the stupid lady or the machine so that ppl couldnt swipe in
IT WAS SOOOOOOOOO FUCKING SQUISHY
ppl in the bakc doesnt know shit so they kept pushing and stuffs
and also other ppl are coming from the elevator >_>
he was like one person away from me ><
i would just stare at him for a few seconds ,
then turn away and look again after a while
>////////<
he looked so clueless and cuteeee with the beanie !
and he was wearing a red hoodie
never saw him in a red hoodie before i swear o-o
i wanted to pinch his cheeks so baaaaaaaaadly :[
and like , after he got it
i realized that one of his bookbag straps fell off
LMFAOLMFAOMLFMAO
it prolly fell off when he was waiting but then it was so squishy that he couldnt fix it
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH SO CUTE
sigh i am a crazy bitch .

i go for abcs <3
NOBODY GOES FOR WHITE, EVEN THO IM SORTA LEANING TOWARDS THEM NOW
FOBBY ABCS*
NO. ABCS><. I SHALL CHANGE MY TASTE
SHAME ON YOU D;
>< WHAT?
WHAT ABOUT YOUR RONNIE HUBBY
HES MY DREAM.
I NEED REALITY.
my dream = in korea
my reality = somewhere in my neighborhood but thinks that i am creepy
WHAT A LIFE

put it on ur notes or something when you get a chance XD
nahhhhhhhhhmy rants are more classic than that
lmao classic
they're all dedicated to one guy -shiver-
imagine a creepy stalker dedicating it all to you XD
hey ! if he was cute LIKE ME i wouldnt mind >_> OH AND PRETTY SMART
i am definitely smarter than tb >_> and prettier YOU KNOW ITTTTTT

MUST . FINISH . MATH . HW . TONIGHT .
D;

thinking .. too much .

2010-02-15T18:21:00.000-05:00

ive been watching drama for the past two days ..
and not really socializing :3
i havent paid much attention to fb x.x
and i didnt really talk to a lot of ppl on aim

it was cny/sad yesterday :D
i only got like 150 bucks cuz i dont have a lot of relatives here ;-;
so like on the day before cny
my uncle picked me up after i finished volunteering
and then we went to eat

i still remember when i was back in china
we would go to this really famous restaurant in gz every year
and its like twenty something ppl
i would get red envelopes from each one of my relatives
the food isnt that good
but its really happy and stuffs
the adults would talk about so many things
and then when i get bored ill just bring the little cousins outside and walk around with them
i miss it .
and all of a sudden i was thinking about america and china again LOL

i remembered that one of my former classmate had said that maybe americas for fitted for me cuz i am the type that likes to have freedom .
but thanks to my grandma ,
americas even less free than china for me .
i do hate the chinese govt for restricting and censoring so many things like fb and youtube ,
but i dont know if which one is worse , racism or less freedom .
coming to america broaden my view and changed the way i think
but i cried a lot more .

maybe i shouldve told my grandma no when she asked me if i wanted to come .

i really am thinking a lot this break .
i am thinking about the majors again LOL
i even used tarot cards to see if i should pick ssr or ias
and then tarot card said that i wouldnt be able to keep up the work .
sigh .
but i really really really really wanna take cal bc next year ..
even tao said that i should take it
since i will still have spanish next year
bc cant fit into my schedule which is double period
if i want bc ill have to do one of these three
1 get into ias
2 drop my lunch period
3 get 1-10 which might not even happen due to budget and shit

i dont wanna give up my lunch period and i cant have 1-10 cuz of club and shit
basically ias is my only hope -_-
IDK WHAT TO DO NOW FLJDSFLJKFDSJKLFDSLKJDFSLKJLDJSFKLDSFK
apply for bc ? drop lunch ? apply for ias ?
T-T
maybe ill use tarot cards for "SHOULD I DROP MY LUNCH PERIOD FOR BC -_-" ..
SIGH .

even if that bitch screams ill still buy a new pair of nikes !

fuck yeah stalker♥

2010-02-07T18:22:00.000-05:00

going back to school again FMLLLLLL .
well .
i was supposed to be in school at 7:30 to help deliver the flowers
but my alarm didnt ring ..
so i WOKE up at 7:20 :/
i wanted to get his prefect
but then I GOT THE PREFECT THATS LIKE 3 LETTERS AWAY FROM HIS T_T

grossharts class is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO boring .
we spend like 40 minutes talking about scientific notation and engineering notation
and according to someone who has him later
he only spend like 25 minutes talking about those crap :[
and then we got gym now :/
since we have 8th floor gym before lunch
we have to walk down to 6th then back up to 7th

so on wednesday , me and amy were walking together
peter was somewhere in the front
i was like playing oh on my phonee
and then when i pushed the door into the stairs
tb came up from the staircase T__________T
and i was like OH MY FUCKING GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
i tried to hide my face behind amy
and then when i was walking behind him
i was looking down at my phone the WHOLEEEEEEE TIMEEEE D;
god i felt so fucking embarassing .
he was like wearing that olive jacket .. beanie .. and the pair of shoes that i HATED .

and then i had leadership afterwards
and i volunteered (and dragged shan) to organize the flowers that werent sent out
when i saw this flower that said his name on it i was like OH . MY . GOD .
and then i looked at the message and it said something like stupid kid that i wont give money to
IT WASNT LIKE FROM HIS LOVERS OR WHATEVER LOLL
thank god .

on thursday , i left chem pretty late
and peter didnt wait for me :[
so i was little mad at him
during gym jolly ditched me and became partners with jessica
so i took amy away from peter
and he ended up with sharon ];
he was like bitching at me the whole timee that we were walking to lunch
and then after we sat down he was still like YOU WIFE STEALER
tb came in and i was walking in the opposite direction
it seemed like he was trying to look if there was something stuck on his jeans
but then to me it just seemed like he was trying to find excuses to look down -_-"
just like what i did on wednesday
the sad part is that
when i was thinking about my theory
i thought that it was suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper cute T-T
he was wearing .. uh black jacket white shirt bright blue skinnies and the checker vans slip on :O
reminded me of last part of replays mv LOLOLOLOLOL ♥

anyway , so peter was bitchingbitching bitching bitching
about how he hates sharon she never does shit blah blah
WELL I WAS IN HER GROUP FOR HEALTH FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING SEMESTER
my health grade for 2nd mp was like 80 something cuz she didnt print out the stuffs on the due day .
thank god i got like 103 1st mp so that saved my ass .
so then i got really annoyed and i went like
OKAY FINE WHATEVER YOU CAN HAVE AMY BACK
and then he turned all happy and shit and went like I LOVE YOU
it made me felt like shit .
and yiman , being the usual her , wouldnt leave me alone
even though i was screaming at peter and everyone noticed that i was pissed off
so then i started screaming at her -_____-
peter apologized later so i was like okay .

AND NOW OMGOSH FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY
so after gym .. i was hoping to see him ..
and then on the stairs
i kept looking at the back
but then when i was about to swipe
i realized that he was somewhere in the front -______-
i only got to see his back -_____-
anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
me mabel yiman and nana were going to the bathroom together
and then nana went back to get her id
since i want to look at him i was waiting for nana
she didnt come back -_____-
but then the announcement was calling for him !
i was like OMGOSHHHHHHHHHH LUCKYYYY ;DDDDDDD
SO HE RANNNNN TO THE CENTERWEST TABLE
IT WAS THE FIRST TIME THAT I EVER SAW HIM RUNNING DDDD;
sooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeee !
he came back with a piece of paperrr ..
i wonder what it is :/
yiman forced me to pick up the flowers >_>
after lunch angel took my bag for me cuz i forgot about it ..
and then she gave me the bag and then held the flowers for me
and then i saw tb walking with my peripheral sight .
DAMNNNNNNN IT T.T
why didnt i hold the flowers myselffffff D:
~~maybe he wouldve seen it and get a little jealousss~~

when i got home .
i saw that hes now friends with raymond on fb
I WAS LIKE OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
I WILL KILL YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
T___________T
stupid raymond .
sdflfsdljksdfjklfdsklfsdkljfsdkljkflsd .
someone tagged him as the wrong person in this pic ..
FAILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LOL
and he joined that apple ipad giveaway shit ..
COMEEEE ONNNN ARE YOU RETARDEEDDDD D;
well he is >_>
DAMNNNNNNN .
susan miller said februarys gonna be a faaaaaabulous month for romance .
well we will seeeeeeeee ~ -_-

i have pretty shitty luck .

2010-01-25T20:30:00.000-05:00

my legs are so fucking tired right now
but i am in the mood of writing ..

SO .
on saturday i got my dotdotdot .
and i got a crazy headache later >.<
we werent even like doing anything
i was so bored that i started reading sat books LOL
damn fucking kaplan IS insanely easyyyyy D;
the sentence completion was like .. 5th grade level -_-

later , i was texting .. idr who
but then i was like talking about it seems like my phones gonna break
cuz it was like mad loose already
and then i touched the top gently
and that shit fell off -_-
even though the two pieces were still connected >_>

i felt so damn horrible after i got home .
so i took tylenol
and started reading love stories .
LOLOLOL
didnt really do any work :x

and then on sunday .
i did a little bit of chem
and then i decided that ill do my model after i eat lunch
so i ate lunch .. and then felt mentally .. tired .
anyway , i ended up starting my model at like 9 ?
and i got so frustrated at like 11 ..
i felt like i would never be able to finish it
and "breaking my phone" even adds onto the stress
especially when my aunt didnt really give a fuck about it .
i really want a phone with full keyboard though ..
without a full keyboard texting is a pain in the fucking ass .

i finished it at like 2:30
and slept at 3 ..
but somehow i wasnt all dead and sleepy today LOL
OMOGOSHHH I GOT A 90 ON THE MODEL
I WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPPPPPPYYYYYY
T.T

93 on my ap world final :/
the grade is alright but then
there are like 5 questions that i was stuck between like 2 choices and then picked the wrong one -_-
DAMN ITTTT T.T
could have gotten 100+ T________T
got a b+ on the term paper ..
expected :3
butbutbut mr.stevens said that one of my source was good so hehe
when i send it to him ill get 1 more point on my report card MWAHAHAHA
i guess that kinda cancels out how i dropped another point in spanish =_=

the mc of the math final was EASYYYYYY ;D
well .. shahs test were never hard but then like
i make stupid mistakes but with mcs its easier to spot your mistakes :D
andandand i got 48/50 for short response for chem :DD
i just drew a flow of heat diagram instead of potential energy diagram .....

i LOLed at nanas random thoughts ..
and now everyone was like xinru prolly loves jonghyun more than the monkey
teeheeeheee kim jonghyunnnnnnn<33333
and no i am not gonna study for the chem final tmrw ..
its prolly easy as hell anyways >_>

time for confession .

2010-01-20T20:18:00.000-05:00

okayokayokayokay .
so today i took 2 finals and one test .
I FORGOT TO DO TWO EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASY QUESTIONS FOR MY CHEM EXAM
FMLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL T-T
i hope that ill still have like 90 ..
the english test was unbelievably easy .
cuz generally tuckman ~~steals tests from honors class~~ gives REALLLY detailed tests even though she never reviewed it with us -.-
and the one today was like MAD GENERAL ;D
MWAHAHA .
the spanish test was .. alright .
the listening was confusing as hell though .

SO I WALKED INTO THE CAFETERIA WITH PEEPEE
AND THEN GFDKLJDFSKLJSDFJKLSFDLJKSDFT
THAT BYOTCH IS WALKING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION
i didnt wanna look straight cuz i know i wouldnt help but stare at him ..
and i was being shy enough ..
so i turned my head away
fuck . isnt that even more obvious D; ?
grrr ..
but like if i looked straight i wouldve blushed like ohdee .
even though i was blushing while looking away too x.x
when i got to the lunch line i was blushing and talking about him the whole time ......
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH T-T

so .
even though i should be studying for math right now ..
it feels like .. time has passed by so quicky D;
like all of a sudden , the fall term is going to end ..
is spring term gonna be like this ?
and then all of a sudden , everyone would be choosing majors
choosing different paths from each other ..
choosing the ppl to stick with for two years ...
and then before we know
it would be june .......
and he would graduate .....
and i prolly wont see him , ever , again .

thinking about the future kind of makes me a little sad inside .
cuz its so unpredictable .
but thats what makes life exciting right ...........
we rely on fortune telling and all that
so we can "know" about the future
but really , who does know about future ?
as i said in one of my notes ,
the future doesnt really scare me ,
since i always wish and hope that the future will be all bright and happy for me ,
but i am still worried that ,
it might not turn out to be the way i want ..

i was even thinking about stuffs like ,
should i send my children back to china or let them stay here ?
china is so crazy about exams ..
theres a lot more pressure and competition academically ..
but america is so cruel and realistic .
youre facing so many things that you shouldnt be facing at your age ,
like racism and such ..
sure youre learning a lot about the society ..
but you lose your innocence way faster ..

we were talking about families yesterday in health ,
and i got kinda sad
cuz in my mind , family really should be the ppl that love you and support you and always making you feel better ,
but apparently its not the case ..
i would want to give my kids as much love as i can give ..
but then i cant spoil them ..
.. damn this is hard .

to be honest i do regret coming to america .
but theres nothing that i can do now ..
other than taking everything in
and work my fucking ass off
so i can leave after two more years ........

wish me luck on my health and math test tmrw D: !

too many accidents arent good for ones heart .

2010-01-15T21:04:00.000-05:00

i feel really lazy right now so i prolly wont update my other blog tonight ?
even though it was like shinee and 2pms goodbye stages ..

SO .
my dad is back from chinaaaa !
MAH SILVER BAG IS BACK <3
along with like 5 sat books that i wanted ..
its around half of the price as it is in the us ..
TSK TSK TSK USA .

my chem sat 2 book is pretty heavy T-T
i flipped to a random page in the glossary ,
and then the first word i saw was kelvin scale
i was like =___________________=
and then i closed the book and didnt wanna open it again D;
ill prolly read it during in spring break .. LOLLLLLL

so this week ive been sleeping really early cuz i dont have those motherfucking sketches to do anymore !
the earliest was 10:40 and latest was 11:30 ..
but then we have to make a fucking model for the house in one and a half week -_-
ITS OKAY
ONLY ONE MORE WEEK LEFT
THEN GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODBYE MS . ENG I WONT MISS YOU D;

OMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOOGMMOGOMGOGMG
-SQUEALS-
TB GOT TAGGED IN SOME MORE PICS
HES WEARING YELLOW
WHICH IS WHAT HES WEARING TODAY
-squeals again-
-struggles-
-clicks save-
-struggles some more-
-moves onto the next pic-
-sees many pig uteruses-
-sees pig embryos ..-
-disgusted-
-sees his back-
-stuggles again-
he kinda looks like a pig ..
WHY DO I ALWAYS ASSOCIATE HIM WITH ANIMALS D;
omfg jeffrey chen is so fucking buff .
OMFGGGGGG MONKEY LOOKS LIKE SUCH A LITTLE KID T^T
i cry cuz i feel so moe T^T
OHGODFUCKINGFDSKLJDSFJKL
WHY DO YOU GOTTA MAKE YOUR MOUTH THAT FUCKING BIG
YOU PIGGY EATER >;O
he looks so fucking .. creepy T-T
look at jeff chen looking all disgusted LOL

okay i am done stalking ..
god bio med is so grosssssssss D:
but i still have stalker stories to tell ..
so on the 9th someone left him a comment and then a buncha ppl started commenting on ittt

J**** Z***
sup what happened to youy guys everything okay?
Q******* L*
LOLOLOL why would you give it to them
K***** L**
Nah they never found mine... U think we can find anything about these punks?
D**** K***
you alright meng?
K***** L**
Sore jaw but nothing serious...
M*** Z****
yo did you get a court order?
K***** L**
Yea

and then i figured that he prolly got mugged ~~and was forced to do a bj~~ ..
i was kinda sad :[
on the 10th though .
I FOUND OUT HIS NUMBER MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHN
CUZ SOMEONE NEEDED HIS NUMBER AND HE JUST COMMENTED IT ON THE WALLPOST
MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHA
nana is right ..
why would he do that when he knows that he has a stalker xD
cuz hes stupid -_-" or he forgot LMFAO loserrr

and then on monday .. i walked up with raymond
and then HE WAS STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DAMN STAIRS ON THE 5TH FLOOR
raymond started giggling -_____-
AAAAAAAAAWKWARD .

his status was like :( at 4 something
and then i got mad worried ..
IS IT CUZ HE SAW ME ?
IS IT CUZ HES IN LOVE WITH SOME BLONDE SLUT WITH BIG BOOBS THAT WOULDNT LOVE HIM BACK ?
IS IT CUZ SOME ASIAN SENIOR GIRL THAT LOOKS 10 TIMES OLDER THAN HIM ?
etc .
so mad ppl were like whats wrong ?
and then he didnt reply ..
so this guy commented again ..

sigh, you haven't responded in 4 hours, i think you're just being an attention whore =\

DAWN WAS LIKE OMFG SO TRUE x_x;;;
and then he replied o.o

K***** L**
Oh werd lol nothings wrong... False alarm...
J**** A*****
see? i knew it.... attention whore >.>
K***** L**
Not really, I'm just a retard bcuz I got the face wrong its supposed to b (: lol I'm such a retard...
J**** A*****
smh
such.... a..... fail....
K***** L**
My bad my bad lol... Smiled bcuz some random guy paid me $10 to help him hold his baby while he went to the bathroom... Lmao
J**** A*****
x.x
wow, you must look like a punk if some random person trusts you with their baby x.x
K***** L**
Well that guy trusted the right person... I was so scared that he was gonna ditch his baby :/

i want to go up to that guy and be like BRO YOU TELL THE TRUTH YO ! :D

uhh what else .
today and yesterday ..
when we were leaving after lunch
hes like behind us again !
even though pretty far ..
but i was like squealing when i saw him going that way ..
and then angel and peter dragged me awayyyyy T_T
PETER EVEN COCKBLOCKED MY VISIONNNNNN
I COULDNT SEEEE SHIT WHEN HE WAS HEADING TOWARDS THE CENTER STAIRS D;

today for the whole day ,
whenever i am near the train station
memories about him would pop up in my head
and replay replay replay ~~noona neomu yeppeo~~ ..
it was so fucking vivid ..
that shit annoyed meeee so much D:
but i couldnt stop it ............

okay enough about that bitch .
FINALS GAH FINALS
the spanish writing part was easy
cuz i knew the questions already LOL
need to study mucho ..
~~even though i doubt i will :x~~
really need 90s on ALLL of my finals ..
especially math
but i doubt it cuz mr.taos making half of the test T_T
FMLFMLFMLFMLFML
i really want straight a's on my transcriptttttt D:

NEW BLOGGIEEE ~

2010-01-08T22:30:00.000-05:00

i finally decided to give up customizing more ..
too lazy .
CLICKIE AND FOLLOW SANKYU <3
okayyy .

my first post is about music bank
only watched jojo , love letter to you , change , and jiggy
too lazy to watch because of you
and i just hate bo peep .

KEY IN MY FIRST POST AND MY HEADER !
-everyone runs to zee bloggie-
=.=
WHAT ?!
YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT KEY MOMMY ?!
T^T
fine .
jonghyun can be allllll mine<3

i am hungry .
OMG HE WAS LIKE ON AIM
A WHILE AGO
AND I WAS LIKE
FREAKING OUT ..
CUZ HE HASNT BEEN ON
FOR LIKE FOREVERRRR
ughhhhhh fucking bitchhhh .

never ask the stalker for advice about how to get someone .. D:

2010-01-07T17:47:00.000-05:00

so i only have like 2 hws today aside from my model .. :D
i am happyyyy .

well , as some of you already know ..
i am gonna make a new blog and its gonna be like k pop/anime/manga oriented ..
so i can release all these bubbly energy .. OR rant .
anime and manga prolly not so much cuz i have to edit the pics and stuffs and i am LAZY ;D
but k pop .. definitely .
if you can find my profile thingy right ..
its prolly there , since i already created it .
but i am doing the codes currently
so its private :D
the headers most likely gonna be a jongkey pic ..
unless i get inspiration to make another one .
if you have suggestions about what to put on the sidebars
please tell me cuz idk what to put there LOL

so today is really a bad day .
i got to school and then i realized that i lost my key to the lock of my locker
so after 1st pd
i went to my backup locker
i still remembered the numbers ..
but then idr which number was the 1st/2nd/3rd one .. >_>
i just like dragged my fucking jacket and parts of the model to chem
celine and jolly were like O.O WHAT HAPPENED

my binder and my math notebook was in there ..
but i had all of my hw except english and my ap world notebook
THANK GOD .
so i just did my english hw during lunch ,
but then shah decided to be a bitch
and asked for the hw THAT WAS DUE TWO DAYS AGO WHICH WAS IN MY BINDER
T.T

okay stalker time .
hes wearing a beanie today
and according to raymond , when he took it off
it was like normal hair .
well ...... you cant really wear a beanie if your hairs like a freaking pineapple .
LOL
"pointed" him out to mabel yesterday againnn ..
cuz he was wearing that SUPER BRIGHT GREEN HOODIE under his jacket .
so easy to identified ..

i shall end this blog with my sexy interpretation of the late qing dynasty
just to make it less stalkerish :3
.. i guess yiman shouldnt have listened to me cuz i creeped him out ehhh D;

Decentralizing allows local officials THAT ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT MY LOVELY FOBLAND to progress and improve on their shit , even though those fucking retards in beijing are like "NOOOO WE ARE GONNA BE TRADITIONAL AND LET THE BAK GWAIS TAKE OUR PRECIOUS STUFFS !"

1905 was important because it was the last year that the CHINESE SAT was administered and even those dumbfucks in beijing realized that OH CRAP THIS REALLY ISNT WORKING WE ARE GONNA GET RAPED BY THOSE BAKGWAIS T.T

run as fast as you can as if theres a pineapple chasing you .

2010-01-06T00:21:00.000-05:00

today was a better than yesterday i guess .
i had less hw :D
but i procrastinated a bit cuz i was messing around with my blog and -smirks-
i hope you noticed that i changed my bgm ..
doesnt it sound mad wintery ?
its such a sad song though ..
jungah and inyoung are leaving D;
wtfs the point of jewelry s then ?! >_>

anyway .
this morning my eyes were burning cuz i was THAT sleepy ..
the other 2 groups gave in their models already
they look so pretty :/

vionna : he was on the lunch line before the bell rang
me : o.o YOU REMEMBER HOW HE LOOKS LIKE ?!
vionna : he has that weird hair .. -motions-
me : -facepalm-

i finished drawing all the parts of my model
and ill prolly tell my grandpa to cut it out ? LOL
cuz its SO fucking hard to cut it .. -_-
whaaaaaatever . screw soph tech

oh my , i just realized that i didnt check his pf today :OOOOO
HOW LOVELY OF ME .
-checks-
fuck . my stalker genes T-T
HE RANDOMLY APPLIED TO TULANE ?
can he even get in >_>
I THOUGHT HE WANTED TO GO TO CORNELL AND ITS LIKE IN NYS
but tulanes like in new orleans ..
to be honest i have no fucking clue where new orleans is on the map ..
near mexico ? LOL
he should go to cali :3
cuz ill never go THAT far for college D;

i read from some other horocope
that imma start getting romances in march
damn .
why damn?
you want it to com earlierr? ;D
YOU SHALL BE HAPPY WHILE YOU ARE IN THE CALM STAGE OF
nvm
being a stalker isnt calm..

yeah recently there really isnt much to get me going bubbly about him .
so yeah ..
i just realized that i am exactly four years and a month younger than jonghyun !

JONGHYUNJONGHYUNJONGHYUN♥

GAHHH
-DIES FROM CRAZY BLOOD LOSS-

finals schedule T-T:
20th - chem english spanish
21st - health & math MUST GET 90+ ON THE MATH FINAL .. EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I WONT D;
22nd - soph tech & ap world

I JUST WANT THESE 3 WEEKS TO GO ~~DIE~~ BY AS FAST AS THEY CAN
and shit . i really need to finish my fucking model and start on the elevations D;

I AM SO ASIAN MWAHAHA -_-

2010-01-05T00:24:00.000-05:00

i finally started my model .. Dx
and its absolutely horrible .
the blade was pretty sharp and it was still like realllyyyyyy hard to cut .
i felt really desperate again cuz this other group already finished theirs and it looks so fucking pretty
CLICK HERE FOR THE INSANELY AWESOME MODEL D;
anyway .
uncle gave me glass cutter and ill keep working on it tmrw i guess ..
but yeah i was like really pissed cuz I COULD HAVE SLEPT AT MOTHERFUCKING ELEVEN !
.. its all my fault , i know .
should have started during the winter break -.-

my mommy is not happy with the amount of sleep i am getting :/
and .. i was like yawning in every single class ..
ESPECIALLY ENGLISH AND MATH >_>
uh , during lunch i saw his back from like mad far away
and he had that olive jacket on that disappeared for like months ..
and his hair .. is like SKY HIGH ..
he looks like a pineapple D:

my dads coming back from china in 10 .. actually 9 days now since its past 12 -_-
I MISS MY SILVER BAG D;
it was so much more convinient to take out stuffs ><
yeah he took it back to china to fix the zippers cuz its wayyyy cheaper there LMFAO
my mom also got me the sat prep books that i wanted ..
its like .. half the price as it is in b&ns ..
ill still need to go to b&n for the ones that are not published in china .. :/
I GOT A 97 ON MY CHEM TEST HAHAHA .
got all mcs right and forgot to write units for the short answers -_-"""""

and at the end ,

IF YOU WANT SOME SLEEP

DONT EVER GO TO ARCH

IF YOU WANT TO CHILL

DONT EVER GO TO ARCH

IF YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF

GO TO ARCH

IF YOU WANT TO LEARN TO USE 1 SECOND AS 2

GO TO ARCH
IF YOU WANT TO BE A CRAZY PERFECTIONIST

GO TO ARCH
IF YOU WANT TO BE SOMEONE WITH NO LIFE
GO TO ARCH
SPRING TERM COME FASTER !!!!!!!

再见再见，永远再不见。

2009-12-31T23:11:00.000-05:00

so 2010 is finally gonna be here in an hour !
happy new years eve ~
i changed my layout <3
connie helped me fixed the bugs
and i customized a lot of stuffs ..
jonghyun icons (self made :D) , because of you lyrics , colors , background , title .. etc :D
i really likeee it .

anyway ..
i am doing my floor plan right now .
FUCK MY LIFE T_T

thinking about all those fucking hw makes me pissed .
but i have to do them ..
i have too many stuffs that i need to finish ............
i really dont want to care .
but i still do .

if i do care , why did i waste so much time ?
.. i hate this .
i really do .
i hate how i can never keep my words about not procrastinating .

if i dont procrastinate for the next few days ,
ill be able to finish all the work before we go back to school .
but if i do ,
i wont be able to sleep on sunday .

i have a choice .
i just dunno if i can stick to the right one ..
thoughts about tb can make me sad ,
but thoughts about me not being diligent enough makes me feel like theres no hope in my future .

i do have high standards ..
but i know that its reachable for me .
and by procrastinating ,
i have to stress myself out to keep myself somewhat close to the standard .

i really dont want that .
it feels really terrible when i am desperately cramming to get things done .
i want to change .
and i am hoping by entering into a new decade ,
it will happen .

juliette , i will give you my soul .

2009-12-30T21:59:00.000-05:00

so i got up at 11 ..
and started watching jonghyuns performances in kbs gayo .. LOL
i still think that sbs gayo is betterrrr !
jonghyuns acoustic version of juliette was angelic .
SO IT BECAME MAH NEW BGM OF ZEE BLOG ;D
[ scroll all the way down o it would start playing ..
thats some gayass "autoplay" .. -_- ]

i was invis for like .. 6 hours ?
and apparently being invis didnt help at all .....
i was looking at pics of jonghyun for like a few hours and made 2 more cell phone wall papers x.x
HE LOOKS SO CUTE WITH THE BEANIE AND SCARF AND HOODIE T.T
-drools-

god .
if i can get someone like jonghyun i wont need any other wish anymore .. lol
but too bad , no -.- .
i wasted a whole fucking year on some monkey that doesnt even know how to appreciate his one and only stalker ! >_>
if i dont find someone better in 2010 ..
my fangirlness will grow EXPONETIALLY and eventually overwhelm myself D;

i still have so much shit to do ..
fuck my life .
i am really really tired ,
my back hurts x.x
and my neck is mad stiff .
finals are coming up soon .......... -______-
HOPEFULLY I WONT GET A LOT OF HW OVER REGENTS WEEK D;

as often thro the purple night , below the starry clusters bright .

2009-12-29T23:29:00.000-05:00

fuck .
its already tuesday .
I KNEW IT .. I KNEW 11 DAYS WONT BE ENOUGH FOR ME TO DO ALL THESE CRAP ..
especially with heavy procrastination ..

I WANNA BE A NERD !
I WANNA GET 5s IN LIKE 149590458954 AP TESTS
I WANNA GET 24000000000 ON THE SATS
I WANNA GET 110 AVG
i wanna go to wharton :[

yeah i realized that the only way that i can get the fuck out of nyc for college
is to get into the top schools -_-
so they wont say shitttttttttttt .
well generally top schools give more money too .. x-x

if i continue to have such bad working habits
idk how i am gonna handle the work of upperclassman .
i really , want , to , go , to , ias .
but i think ill end up killing myself with ap english .. and possibly ap spanish .

i was gonna concentrate on my floor plan today
and i didnt start it until .. 8 pm -_-
gayo daejun is such a huge distraction ..
i watched key shindong joon and mirs muzik for like 5 times today already ..
too sexy to resist T-T

ive been getting up at like 10:30 everyday ..
sigh i want to wake up earlier to talk to my mom but then i just cant

its 11:11 .. i wish for a better year .

so tb today was like doing mad friends exposed stuffs ..
but i didnt get any -_-
he prolly skipped the questions about me LOL
and he said that hes more famous than mcchicken LOLOLOLOL
AND THEN MCCHICKEN WENT LIKE YU FUNNY

dawn is so funny .

I WANT BOYS DDDDDDDDDD;
LOL desperateness in the air !
STOP IT GUYS DONT LIKE DESPERATE GIRLS
BESIDES WILLIAM
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO
LOOK WHOS TALKINGGGGG !
LMAO MEH?
IM NOT THAT DESPERATE.
YET.
pffffti am not that desperate yet either
if i am THAT desperate
i would be like
walking in the neighborhoodscreaming
KELVIN KELVIN KELVIN
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU
LAM LAM LAM
CALL ME MRS LAM EVERYONE
HOLA AMIGO MY NAME IS MRS LAM. YURS?
IM MARRIED TO KELVIN
HES SO PALE.
MAD SEXY. BETCH.
LOLOLOLOLOLOL

finished : english fucking 4-page poem , health project + hw

need to finish : floor plan , math hw

need to start -_- : term paper , elevation , rosetta stone , lab report , model

fuck . fuck . fuck .

till her blood was frozen slowly , and her eyes were darkened wholly

2009-12-24T16:26:00.000-05:00

winter break finally started .
those 3 days felt like a fucking monthhh .
but i have so much homework to do over the motherfucking break .

homework over the break : term paper , floor plan , elevation , model , 5-page narrative poem, 5-page term paper , mini health project+ regular hw , math packet , 5 hours of rosetta stone . I WANT TO KILL MYSELF ALREADY .

THINKING about it makes me dizzy already .
on top of that i still have to tutor tori -_-
i am not gonna have enough time
ill hang out anyways x.x

having a break means that i wont see him ,
but it also means that hes gonna do more on fb ...... x_x
last night i was really tired and bored
so when the question "who do you like" popped up in the notes
i just put his name up there .
didnt say "him" , didnt say "tb" , nothing like that .
just his name .
i am getting more and more desperate
and sick of hiding .

susan miller said that christmas is gonna be really romantic
but the super accurate chinese horoscope said that this week i wont find anyone .
ill trust the chinese horoscope LOL
susan miller can dfsjklsfdlkkdlsf in a corner .

yesterday i had to give out christmas cards for fundraising during prefecttt
i was kinda sad when peggy gave the 3rd floor west side cards to some girl T_T
i got 3rd floor east side ><
so anyway and then i went to lunch
and was behind amy
florence came out from the elevator
and then she went like LOOK THAT WAY
i was like what o.O
and then she went like BRIGHT COLOR BRIGHT COLOR
i still couldnt see any bright color
and then she was like look over theree its tb
i was like ohhhhhhhhhh damn even neon-er green ?!
and then yeah he was right next to amy ..
and then he swiped in before amy -.- stupid cutter
i tried to look at his id and failed LOL
even though i already know how it looks like :X
if you wanna know how fucking neon that shit is .. refer to the pic below .

so this girl put up a pic taken yesterday with him in the middle
and then this guy commented " HEY I SEE A FAGGOT IN THE MIDDLE!"
and then tb wrote "yo. i. see. a. fag. right. here." on his wall
LOLOLOLOL
i am not sure if where his arms are
but that melissa girl prolly has her arm around his waist >.< >.< >.<

what else happened this week ..
FLORENCE BABY TOOK A PIC OF HIM WEARING GYM UNIFORM MWAHAHAHAH<3
but it was mad blurryyyyy :[
and and and .
this .

(9:52:47 PM): last time i saw him was like last week
(9:52:55 PM): he was hanging with a white group
(9:53:04 PM): and mad blonde sluts over there
(9:53:11 PM): i heard him flirting
(9:53:20 PM): sounded like he was trying to pick up a few

er . doesnt sound quite possible ..

ill shut upp about him and talkk about christmas noww .
most of the stuffs i got are cards LOL
raymond wrote "forget about kelvin ! x-x he's stupid. just look @ it this way
0 C (zero trouble) = 273 K (lots of trouble)"
i literally LOLed .
got a pompom from areesha
a vintage-y necklace from diana
food from connie LOL
lotion and body mist from jolly

i wanna go shopppingggg D:

what can i do about it ?

2009-12-21T18:12:00.000-05:00

i had really bad cramps today ..
prolly cuz i actually finished the ~~REALLY SALTY~~ ice cream that i made in chem today x.x
i felt terribly sick from 3rd to 7th and i just wanted to go home so badly .

i really shouldnt have procrastinated yesterday ..
i was cramming to the point where i just didnt want to cram anymore .
so i did my english hw in lab
and i was like copying hw during lunch the whole time at anthonys table .
yes .. like 2 tables away from him .

so when i finished copying
the bell rang x.x
and i started walking .. and tb was in front of me .
yeah .
i walked past him and caught up to angel and peter and alyssa .

stupid raymond lied that tb went back to osa ..
yeah . i knew that he was lying . sigh .

i really cant wait for christmas break to come .
i really cant fucking go to school like this every day .

ill miss him ..
even though i shouldnt .

susan miller , can you please be right about romance for once ?

i am getting kinda desperate but i still ......

rollercoaster rides make me vomit .

2009-12-16T18:34:00.000-05:00

i failed my english vocab quiz LOL
well . i was too busy trying to get a spanish book so i can do my hw at lunch ..
and then i forgot about studying x.x

um .
so far in this week , i never saw him in the train station ..
and hes still wearing the blue beanie every day .
yesterday he was on the sw line
i was like trying to cut into it by talking to sinyu but oh well .
yeah basically every day i just like look at him from really far away .
and going AWWW HES SO CUTEEEEEE
i thought it would be like that ,
and i guess i was wrong .

so after 8th i was walking up with raymond ..
~~also cuz i saw AREESHAS AHEM walking on the 2nd floor and then going up .. :D~~
~~so i was following areeshas ahem .~~
and then we got to the 4th floor ~~and he left~~
~~i was still staring at his back LOL~~
and NOWWW
the person that ill never imagine to appear fucking appeared .
guess who it is ?
AHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA .
=______________________________________________=
yeah , its the Tight Bitch .
if you dunno who i meant by tight bitch then look at the letters that i capitalized ..
IF YOU STILL DONT FUCKING KNOW
he is the senior fucking loser that i like -_-

well i thought he has 1-7 ..
so i never expected to see him there ....
i was like really fucking shocked
to the point where i like .. stared at him for a few seconds ..
and he was just like looking at somewhere else
i have no clue where he was looking at though
back staircase =_= ?

so i just pretended that nothing happened
and kept walking
but then raymond started laughing really really loud
and then i like ran up -.-
tears were coming out ..
got to the 6th saw yiman
walked down with her
my voice was like sorta shaking
and my sentences were mad broken .

this reminded me of that saturday ..
a few days after i confessed to him
i went to b&n and then on the way home
i saw him and i was about to cry on the streets -_-"
at first i was in too much of a shock ..
and THEN its like BITCH WHY ARE YOU HERE I DONT WANT TO SEE YOU
and then the painful memories just rush back and hit me .. hard .
havent been like that for a few months already ......

iono .
he looks better from far away LOLLLLL
he didnt grow . at all .
sad sad sad .
so much shit to do tonight .
fml .

J****** L**
were you wearing green yesterday? LOL i think i saw you yesterday on the d train.

K***** L**
i think i was wearing green yesterday and yes i was on the d...

names are censored cuz i am so nice :]

i wanna comment on it and say stuffs like
"yes you were ~ and you were wearing that beanie that youve been wearing for a few days (: i remember everythingg"
so then he would be ohdee creeped out :DDDDDDDDDDD
THATS RIGHT BYOTCH REVENGE FOR YOUUUUU
but since i am so much of a pussy ,
i am not gonna do it LOL

so i sorta need your opinion :d

yesterday florence said that he looked at her for a while after gym ...
she was right in front of the wall so it cant be like someone else ..
the possible choices are ..

1. he was staring at the wall - most likely .. hes just that TYPE of person -_-
2. "THAT GIRLS HAWWWWWT =D " - um . the fuuuuuuuck .
3. "OMFG THAT STALKER GIRLS FRIEND FML T.T " - uh . but he has BAD MEMORY D;
4. he was using his pheripheral sight to look at some other things/ppl o.O ?

yeah :]
YOU BETTER LOVE ME ALYSSA .

youre insanely brilliant , little missy .

2009-12-14T20:46:00.000-05:00

u have made ur friends into tb stalkers xD
friends like me T_T
its like, OMG I SEE THE MONKEY
MUST REPORT TO SHINSHIN!

but monkeys can be cute too, u know T_T
just not tb... he's a gorilla DX

everyone looks fucked up in at least one pic
BUT i look at tb's pics and im like, -HEARTATTACK OMFG LOOK AT THIS SCARY MONKEY-
but looking at the pic u sent me my reaction is "aww she looks like she's about to diss someone"

tb's not ugly
he is average
but just by looking at him, i wouldnt crush on him...

i think the hat he wore made him look like a hobo monkey

i shall let u continue obsessing over this stupid monkey
for u seem to be obsessed
and it would keep u from others things
such as -coughcough- LOOKING FOR OTHER GUYS
i cant wait till he leaves this school, then u can talk about a guy tht doesnt look like a monkey =D

i actually thought about it before .. how obsessed i am
its somewhat a good thing
cuz even though hes a jerk and all that
hes not gonna like start a drama or shit with me
so if i look for other guys
and they fucked me up
or creates mad dramas
that would suck more
than to be obsessed with a paleee loser<3
-___________- well.... yea.... -thinks- yes
i cant help liking guigui and stars and u cant help liking monkeys
so if i suddenly stoppped likeing guigui and stars thta would be drastic and scary and sad and depressing
maybe when u do forget about him, ill miss the days when u told me ur stalking adventures...of monkeis T_t
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
<3333333333333333333333333
ILOVEYOUNANACHEN
ILOVEYOUXINRULIN
damn
same amount of letters?

i wonder if susan millers FINALLY gonna be right about romance for once =_=
but its kinda creepy to think about anyways
if its him its FREAKY
but if its some other guy
HOW CAN I FORGET ABOUT HIM AND LIKE SOME OTHER GUY IN LIKE 10 DAYS ?!
its very possible!
all the guy has to do is be a pale monnkey with those glasses

okay . so today i missed the g train by like 10 seconds -_-

so i didnt see him . and then during lunch i only looked at him for a very short time .

he was wearing the beanie again but i can barely see anything from that far

so i wasnt like OMGGG SO CUTEEEEE or anything

which is good .

yeah . cant really think of anything right now .

NEED TO FUCKING DO THE POSTER .

BRING THE CREEP ON !

2009-12-10T17:01:00.000-05:00

today is another one of those "romantic" days according susan miller ,
so unsurprisingly , it became another creepy day -_-

i was walking out of the g train station ..
when i was walking up the stairs .. i felt kinda weird .
my pheripheral view sorta found some thick framed glasses ........... =_=
i was like convincing myself that it shouldnt be him .. and i kept walking
and then some lady had to walk down
it was like really narrow , so i had to walk sideways
and then i saw his whiteass face T^T
~~i was like SHIT SON WHY YOU HERE~~
but i just pretended that i didnt notice and kept talking to ppl >_>"
his monkey hair was gone for one day
and now ITS BACKKK
NUUUUUUUUUUUU T^T !

and then i got into the lunch
went to yiman nana vionna who were already there
yiman was like "go look at the front"
so i went up to the front and looked at the food
and went back to told her about the food right
and then she was like "ARE YOU REALLY BLIND ?"
i was like "it IS pizza o.o"
so she went like "ARE YOU BLIND" again
and then someone went like "your stalkees in the front .."
i looked .. ~~and was like OH SHITTT FML WTF D;~~
i was like kinda trying to hide myself the whole time >_>

after 8th i went up to soph tech room to get my tube thing
and then when i got out
i saw m again and he was staring at me
(if you dont remember .. m is the person that gave me false info about tbs major .. -_- )
idk if he still remembers me ._.;
but then today he had like an even more awkward face on than monday
so i went like "why are you staring at me like that ?"
and then he was like o.O; and went into his room
~~thank god hes not close to tb . thank god .~~

beinginsanesux (4:49:26 PM): she said jeannie person is celeb level and doesnt like guys
~~i cant imagine her being popular AT ALLLL >_>"~~
FSDKLJDSFKLJSFDJKLFDSKLJKJLSDF
WHY ARENT THEY LIKE FUCKING GOING OUT =_=
~~oh right , hes not hot and he looks like a sophomore .. >_>~~

i have so much work to do over christmas T___T
fmlfmlfml .
i gotta finish d5 tonight and we are gonna start doing floor plans tmrw GAH D;
i dont think ill sleep before 12 tonight -_-
gahgahgahgah okay bai !

np alyssa for making you feel like a less pathetic human .

2009-12-09T23:22:00.000-05:00

report cards today .
i already knew my grade from the daedalus thingy haha .
dropped 2 points in spanish 6 in health and 3 in lab
went up 10 points in trig 5 in soph tech 5 in english
stayed the same for ap world and chem .
pretty good .
even though i was a little mad at myself cuz the reason that i dropped so much in health was cuz i handed 2 hws late :[
~~well and also cuz sharon didnt print out the handouts on the due day but i guess i shouldnt blame her for MY grades .~~

walked 8 floors up to lunch after prefect .
saw vionna .. and then he cut into the line ..
my first reaction : oh shit its him !
second : OH SHITTTTT HIS HAIRS NOT MOHAWKY ANYMORE !!!!!!!
i wanted to tell vionna but then it would be kinda obvious .
after lunch i showed mabel how he looks like though LOL
we were just standing there like retardds waiting for yellow shirt to come upp
and then when i saw yellow i rannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn and left her there D:
when we were getting books me and florence tried to peek into his 5th pd room LOL
but we didnt see him .
we are suchh stalkers :D

stupid joseph is oh so optimistic
"THERES 50% CHANCE ! YES OR NO"
pfffffft .
yeah right .
i actually kinda wish that hes going out with jeannie so i can just get that shit over with :DDD

i am tired ..
trig test tmrw fuckfuckfuck .
shah bitched at me SOOOOO badly todayyy :[
geez i just read the question wrong ;-;

everyone just keeps telling me who they like today ..
theyre all really .. shocking T_T
imma get heart attacks from theseee D:

watch me die from all those work during christmas breakkk >_>

romantic week .. my back asset .

2009-12-04T18:20:00.000-05:00

so susan miller said that dec 1-6 will be romantic .....
and this week is pretty .. weird .
another horoscope said that this week i cant look at love related thing optimistically ,
well duhhhhh !
do you really expect me to go "OMGOSH TBS PROLLY STALKING ME" ?

before i go all stalkery ,
it was REALLY hilarious at lunch today
we were like all talking about sex and oh gosh you ppl are explicitttttt ROFL
the only thing i remember was like .. "front ass" LMFAOOO
oh and i had another dbq in class writing today ..
and i did pretty well :]
i actually finished a few mins before the bell rang and started "talking" to anthony LOL

monday .
i missed the train and i didnt see him there
so i thought he left
but then when the train came
he magically appeared and got on O_O
I HAVE NO CLUE WHERE HE CAME FROM D;

tuesday .
when i got to the station the trains there waiting .
so i walked in ..
he was in there already
and then we got to fulton
and he got up
AND THEN I REALIZED THAT HE WASNT WEARING A BOOK BAG O.O
that was kinda surprising .
he was wearing a navy sweater also ..
since ive been crazy about sweaters and cardigans
i was like GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH SOO CUTE T-T
yeah , i am pretty sure that if my nose was weak ,
i wouldve bled to death ;-;
and then we got like mad far away
cuz ppl walking in front of me were walking mad slow
and he was walking kinda fast
he went into the deli
and i kept walking ..
and then i got into the school from the center doors ..
and walked up to 1st floor , turned and got into the staircases
and then i saw him walking up from the staircases ..........................
yeah i am pretty sure that he saw me too .
and i think he had like a tiny bit of shocked expression .. >_>
i just pretended that i didnt see him and walked up
AWKWARD .
dsfdsfklfdsklkfsdmdfsmldfsljkdfsljk

wednesday .
i missed the train again LOL
but i saw him AGAIN O.O
i was walking behind himmmm and i realized that the pair of sexy checkered slip ons is actually VANS <33333
the heart was not directing to him okay ? >_>
idr much .. getting old .
oh . the aids speaker thingy .. i saw the jeannie look alike again
but she looks better than the pics .. so i am not sure
i tried to like get close to her to listen to she and her friends convo
but no names were mentioned so IDK if its her ugh .

thursday .
again , walked into the train when it was waiting there LOL
hes sitting there again
and toris sitting like mad far away from him
so i sat like somewhere in between hehe .
navy hoodie , i think .
and then after we got out he was like alllllllllllllllllllll the way in the front ?
STUPID PPL BLOCKING MAH WAY .
and then he got into the deli .
i think when i got into lunch he was looking at the doors .. waving at someone or something .
thats it .

today .
the train was slightly late today .
so then i got into the train ..
thinking .. am i gonna see him today ?
and then he walked into the train ..
navy hoodie ..
he was walking alllll the wayyy in the backk so yeah .
SAW THAT JEANNIE LOOK ALIKE AGAIN
FMLLLLLLLL =_=

too many ppl are telling me that hes stalking me ..
THATS JUST BULLLLLLCRAPPPP
thats like saying me being fluent in SPANISH LOL
meh , ill just wait till christmas .

hopefully susan miller will be right this time and ill get a kim jonghyun♥

eventually i wont be able to stand this .

2009-12-03T22:08:00.000-05:00

i have a fucking canker sore since like .. tuesday
it had been hurting so fucking much that my teeth started to hurt as well
yeah .
i have to like fucking bite my own teeth so that it doesnt hurt as much .

i feel so despaired cuz of trig .
i finished math , and will do spanish tmrw ..
i should do my d4
but i just dont have the energy .....

i am like putting so many things to do on weekend ..
even though ill only have like 1 day to actually do it .
sigh :[

grandma wants me to tutor tori
and if i raise her grades by at least 10 points then ill get 100 bucks
FUNNY .
10 FUCKING POINTS .
SINCE EVERYTHINGS CUMULATIVE
I DOUBT THAT IT WILL EVEN GO UP 5 POINTS =_=
i tried to help her before
but she doesnt even get simple stuffs .
no offense , but even ppl like robert would understand
cuz i was explaining it like 1/10 of a step at a time
like how i teach those elementary school kids at angel center
but she STILL doesnt get it .
i feel mad hopeless
but nobody saw it .
all they saw was just that she is failing chem and on the verge of failing geometry as well
and i am the one getting good grades and "chillin"
so then everyone in the family thinks that i dont give a shit about her and i dont wanna help her at all
=______=
YEAH ?
if i really dont give a shit she wouldnt be fucking passing technical drawing right now !

grandmas a fucking dumb bitch talking shit when she doesnt even know anything .
all of them think that its a obligation for me to help her .
DO YOU EVER SEE HER COMING TO MY ROOM AND TUTOR ME WITH ENGLISH ?
i cant even asian pass math myself now
and you expect me to take care of someone elses grades ?

i dont get why they always compare us
we are nothing alike , and my grandma just always had to find something to criticize me about
yeah yeah yeah she will remember to save me food and i wont .
THATS CUZ YOU PPL WILL DO THAT SHIT FOR HER
AND YOU PPL NEVER DO SUCH THINGS FOR ME
ohhhh i am soooooooo selfish .
i wonder who influenced me to be a selfish bitch !
maybe this part was like reasonable (not)
BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE HANDWRITING PART ?
i still remember one day shes pretend to be all nice and shit
and she went like "toris handwriting in chinese is better than you"
DUDE ?
toris only been learning chinese in school for like one and something years
and she doesnt even know shit yet
and you think that her handwriting is better than mine when hers is all fucked up and crooked ?
youre SOOOOO educated =.=

okay ill shut up about this now .
or else ill start crying and imma get puffy eyes tmrw .
haha i realize that my blog is not full of him anymore .. LOL
but i would rather be talking about stalking him happily than getting bitched at by grandma =.=
ugh .

youre the honey in courtly hypocrisy .

2009-12-01T23:15:00.000-05:00

i am not physically tired ,
but i am .. um i guess psychologically tired ?
i started hw at like 9:30
and i did like 5 questions in a hour >_>
and then i started bitching about shah
i am like really pressured
cuz i REALLY want a 85 by end of this semester for him
so i can apply for cal ab ..

i am dropping like 3 points for spanish
and 6 points for health :[
cuz i dont studyy .. sigh
i really need to change my working habit .
i shouldnt be on computer SOOOOOOO MUCH .
seriously .

but whenever i get home ,
i always feel lazy
and afterwards i feel tired
so i wont do hw until like i start to feel pressured
i planned to start d4 tonight but i cant even finish my math hw .....
ms.eng said that shes disappointed in me cuz i am so lazy
i am disappointed in myself too !
but what can i do ?
i always try to be less lazy but i never have self control ..
yesterday diana describe me as diligent i was like OH HELL NO ME ?
i WISH i am diligent .

its 11:11
i wish that i will procrastinate lessssss !

susan miller said that ill have like romance during christmas ..
and tb will get like a longass fucking term relationship on new years eve
haha we will see .
when i have time ill talk about the story of creepy bear I & II .

NANAAAAAS BDAY TMRWWW YAYY .

give me a fucking breakk .

2009-11-22T15:20:00.000-05:00

its so fucking cold .
my hands and my feet are all fucking freezing .
the heaters not even doing anything !
ugh .

i have so much work to do ..
but i really dont want to do them .
i have to go out for dinner today -.-
WHY NOT YESTERDAY YOU FUCKTARDS
fucking essay .
i hate school .
i hate end of the marking periods .
i hate my laziness .
i hate cramps ><

i wanna buy a camera on black fridayyyy
but ugh i am like mad scared of getting bitched at
fucking hate them .
my dads prolly gonna be like OH WHY YOU NEED A CAMERA FOR
CUZ I NEED TO CAMWHORE ? =.=
if i dont get it .. ill prolly ask you ppl to buy it for christmas ;-;

fucking induction is another pain in the ass .
WHY TUESDAY ?!
WHY THE DAY BEFORE 2ND MP ENDS ?!
WHY FROM FUCKING 5 TO 8 ?!
WHY SEMI FORMAL CLOTHING ?!
WHY BS ?!
arghhhhhhh .
i really wouldnt give a shit ,
if my family dont care about me getting home at like 9
but unfortunately they start bitching when i get home at like 5:30 =_=
WHO THE FUCK GETS RAPED AT 5:30 ?!
retarded as fuck .

yesterday my grandma spilled the soup
i wanted to clean it up right
but then i remembered a few months ago
i spilled something and i tried to clean it up
and then she bitched at me for using the wrong towel =.=
so this time i didnt bother helping her to clean it up
and then she bitched at me for not cleaning it up .
okay , my fault .
and then she started bitching about how my uncle didnt drink the soup
she didnt say anything about her spilling the soup
now thats really over the top
my dad got pissedddd and went like
"youve done a lot for this family , we all know that , but youre always complaining about stuffs , even the things that arent wrong ! xinru was wrong for not cleaning it up , so when you bitched at her i didnt say anything ; but YOU were the one who spilled it and now youre blaming steven for not drinking the soup ?! he doesnt HAVE to drink it right now .. "
she didnt say anything .
i was like AHAHAHA BITCH GOT OWNED in my head .

i actually really wanna know
if tbs being near me on purpose ..
cuz if he does ,
then ill feel like SUCH A WINNER
like , AHAHAHAHAHHAHHA LOSER THATS WHAT CHU GETTT SON
okay .. enough .
i need to do homeworkkk :[

when it comes around , push it outta the way .

2009-11-17T23:42:00.000-05:00

i dont really have a lot of homeworks
but recently my development drawings are taking me A LOT of time .
like at least double of the time of regular drawings >_>
and its due thursday , walk in
if i get a lot of hw tmrw ill be dead .

anyway , so I HATE MATH .
I DID TERRIBLE ON THE TEST
SO IMMA END UP WITH ANOTHER 70 AGAIN THIS MP
maybe less .
THAT SON OF A BITCH COLLECTED THE EASY HW TODAY
AND HE WAS LIKE
ILL MARK IT INCOMPLETE IF YOU DONT COPY THE QUESTIONS
LIKE YOU WILL REALLY READ THE QUESTIONS FOR EVERY SINGLE HW RIGHT =.=
ugh .

fucking anthony was acting like a dick to me
and then thomas was being emo again .
and then fucking tb !
i already complained 10 times about how he was walking right next to me last week
and TODAY
he decides to be next to me again when we got outta the g train
if it wasnt for the brooklyn bound g ppl
i wouldnt have been stuck there with him -_-
and then me and alyssa were at the line waiting to swipe in
peter was like somewhere in the backk
when i turned around and i saw mcchicken
and then i got into the doors
and then he somehow squished in and popped outta no where and CUT ME
the only thing i saw was just like GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN
i was like FUCK .
i swear to god it was so fucking awkward
all i can do is just put my head down >.<

u know something though
I WISHED HE LIKED ME TOO
I WISH HE WOULD GET JEALOUS SOMETIME
harharhar .
i still wish that kelvin would like me .
awww <3
but my reaction would be different
ill slap him and bitch at him
and then ill think about it LOL
ILL BE LIKE
WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU
HUH
YOUVE BEEN SCARED OF ME FOR LIKE 10 FUCKING MONTHS
NOW YOU TELL ME YOU LIKE ME AFTER I DONT WANT YOU ANYMORE ?
ROFLLLL

i never really thought about what i would do though
other than bitching and slapping .
cuz i dont think that its gonna happen
so whyyyyy bother :D
i dont like him anymore
but he still occupies at a certain spot of my heart
more like "that stupid retard that has no taste omg so weird to see himmm"

sigh .
anywayyy have a good night :)

what is your heart beating for ?

2009-11-11T21:01:00.000-05:00

i am sad
but its not cuz of him . YAY
imma be emo in my post today .. sigh

i am having a .. i guess deep convo with sebastian
and it makes me sad
cuz recently ppl just keep telling me how their families are fucked up
and i feel like i can totally relate to them
i dont know what we are living for .
ive always wanted happiness
but it seems to be nowhere in sight without freedom .

i am tired of getting told that i am a retard
i am tired of getting screamed at for some little shit like wiping the table
i am tired of being scared to do this and that
i am tired of getting nagged
i am tired of not being able to have fun

sometimes i just wanna talk back
sometimes i just wanna tell you that youre a hypocrite
sometimes i just wanna tell you to stfu
sometimes i just wanna pack my shit and run out of this house
sometimes i just wanna fuck everything and get a ticket back to china

but i cant .
i remember that once i was complaining to my mom
about how my grandma was a bitch
and then i was so stressed that i started crying
and then my mom cried too

i dont want her to be sad
shes prolly the person that i care about the most in this world .
i dont think she and my dad are that close ..
i even suspected him of having affairs when i was like 11 LOLOLOLOL
and now her only child , me , is in another country ..
shes already having enough .

so i stopped complaining to her .
and i held everything in .
it hurts , but if i make her feel terrible , it would hurt more .

i remember breaking down in front of her this summer
cuz my cousin in china was a total bitch
i wanted to say shit back to her but i didnt
cuz i didnt want to make my grandma in china feel bad
i got really stressed and i cried

its been like that since forever .
other ppl are always the one doing something wrong
and i am always the one getting stressed
the one holding the pain in
cuz i dont want to make everyone feel bad
i dont want ppl i care about to be in trouble
i am always the "mature" one but i never got anything out of it .
you ppl really think that i wont fuck you up ?
when you push me out of my limits , ill have to .

i will do anything to get out of this house when i graduate high school .
i dont care what she says .
by then ill be eighteen
i will be able to do whatever i want .. hopefully .

i just dont know anymore .

2009-11-08T23:17:00.000-05:00

it 11:11 .
and i kinda wish that i wont see him tmrw .
at least , not in the train station .
when i see him i cant help but look at him
but like i dont really feel anything for him anymore .
i guess its just a habit
just like my stalking .
sigh .

this made me sad .

: i really dont wanna go to school :[
: mostly cuz
: i dont really wanna seee him ..
diana : but you da nerd
: come on, its just one more year

when i saw entering september 2010 on the tests today
i got kinda sad too .
iono if i still like him or not anymore .
when raymond called me
i actually kinda wished that he would talk to him
even though i was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more scared about it
same thing with michael .
i kinda wish that somehow he would figure that i was the girl
and tell him about it .

yes i am creating antecedant confusions here .
but thats the point xP
okay i should sleep .
finished writing this in 5 min wowww .

where did my lovey dovey feelings go ?

2009-11-06T21:58:00.000-05:00

so yesterday i actually got to the train station early for once :]
and then the train came and i sat down
i saw him walking past the door in front of me on the platform
and then he went back and got in from the door in front of me o_o

so then i walked into the cafeteria with peter
and then i saw him turning his head ..
he prolly saw me :T
after lunchh i went to the center staircase ;-;

so then i got home
and then i saw that AMAZING PICTURE Dx
god he just looks so fucking dark and yellow and his hairs gelled >.<
WHAT A CAMWHORE FAIL

if he ever gets caught for somehting
this picture is the first thing he should destroy
in case they use it against him T-T
LOLOLOLOLOL
i should comment and tell him that he fails
but thats mean
dont crush his little heart, hun
his heart is little
thats why hes a meannn little bitch :x

o1nKErzxp : lmaoooo so mean!!
NEW PF PIC
HOW BEAUTIFUL
he looks mad drunk
EPIC CAM WHORING FAIL!!!!
EXACTLY
NOW MY STATUS ISNT MEAN AT ALL
nopeee

okay idr anything anymore :x
lets talk about today .
this morning YAYAYAY i didnt see him :]
and then during lunch
I SAW HIS FUGLY HAIR
OMFG LIKE I WAS GUESSING IF IT WAS LIKE THAT
CUZ HE SAID THAT HIS PF PIC WAS TAKEN YESTERDAY
AND HIS HAIR WAS MAD UGLY
BUT SEEING IT IN REAL LIFE IS JUST
OMG
ITS LIKE MEXICAN SPIKING MIXED WITH ABC SPIKING >.<
so uglyyyyyyyyy ];
what nice taste hes got .
ugly pf pic and now UGLY hair
thank god i didnt see his face .. or else i would have prolly gone dying .
talking about taste ..

OMFGGGGG I THINK I SAW THAT JEANNIE GIRL TODAY

I WAS LIKE WAITING FOR PETER TO FUCKIGN COME OUTTA HEALTH
AND THEN I SAW THIS GIRL THAT LOOKS LIKE HER
I WAS LIKE OMGGG

-points at xinru- I SEE TB!
-xinru turns- WHERE?!?!?!?!
O.O
me: he went to the girls bathroom =D

LOLOLOLOLOL
beautiful ending :]

omg stupid raymonds a bitch
he kept saying like "KELVINNN TALKK TO ME" and suchh >.<
grrrr i hope that hes not gonna sayy anything to tb tmrw at osa D:

I GOT 100 ON MY AP WORLD TESTSSSS
under the curve .. that is .
but still :]
84 on the trig test ><
i made retarded mistakes like x^2-4 and then i got x= +-2 right
but SOMEHOW I PUT THE SQUARE ON TOP OF THE X AGAIN DDDDD;
wtfs wrong with meeeee .
grrrr work tmrw and shsat on sunday FML

i got a big pimple T^T

you guys should comment/like my pf pic

cuz I LOVEEEEEEE IT ♥

i am like really random right now cuz i am writing this and watching youre beautiful at the same timee
GO MINAMS A FUCKING RETARD
AND UEES A BITCFH
SHINWOOOOOOOO MY POOOR SHINWOO

jealousy is the green eyed monster , yes yes .

2009-11-04T18:37:00.000-05:00

i am not pissed , but i am extremely annoyed at that jeannie girl .
i know i know i know I AM JEALOUS >.<
but at least it wasnt like last time with yvonne
where i couldnt even fucking sleeeeeep !
grrrrrrr .

after those fucking "HI BOYFRAN :D" "HI JEANNIES BOYFRAN :D" comments
now we have "V They say you cuteeeeeee!" "Really?" "Lmaos would i lie to you!"
i just wanna fucking comment on it and go like
~~FUCKTARD SHES LYING TO YOU EVEN THE PERSON WHOS FUCKING CRUSHING ON YOU THINK THAT YOURE NOT THAT GOOD LOOKING~~
UGHHHHHHHH FDSKLJSDFKLJFDSLJKSFDJKLSDFJLKFSDJLK
i am also pissed at myself for getting jealous ..
just like how i was pissed cuz i said that i wont look at him at lunch
and i still did
AND I EVEN WANTED TO FOLLOW HIM AFTER LUNCH
~~KILL ME RIGHT NOW .~~

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME
WHATS SO GOOD ABOUT HIM
NOTHING
BUT ITS JUST LIKE
A FUCKING HABIT
YOU KNOW LIKE WHAT PARIZMAN SAID IN CLASS ABOUT WHATEVER DRUG IT WAS
ITS NOT PHYSICAL ADDICTION
ITS PHYCHOLOGICAL ADDICTION

i was like complaining to raymond
and the first thing he said was
"you still like him >.>"
gee , didnt have to be that straightforward T_T
we all know that i still do .. FUCKMYLIFE

DOESNT IT REMIND YOU OF YVONNE ?!
well, i dont really know yvonne but sure..
-sigh- girls these days
remember how yvonne was like
CUTIE BLAH BLAH I LOVE KELVIN BLAH BLAH
yeah
AND HERE COMES THE JEANNIE GIRL LOOKING WORSE THAN YVONNE D;
yvonnes kinda pretty except shes mad dark
lol is this jeannie girl dark?
the one on the left
XD
ROFL thats .. mean
she looks like my cousin
LOL I CANT BELIEVE THAT YOU COUSIN WOULD LOOK LIKE THAT
well, she'sw in her 30s
LOLOLOL.OL.OLOL.OLOL
XD
OMG i really wanna comment under that wallpost
and be like THATS BULLSHIT DONT TRUST HER LOL
and if they question me ill be like
I THINK I HAVE THE MOST RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT HIS APPEARANCE SINCE I CRUSHED ON HIM AND I NEVER THOUGHT THAT HE WAS THAT CUTE
when we say someone is cute, we usually say that because that person is like younger XD
LOLOLOL youre a counterexample :3
its a bad example ><
because i have this problem with puberty
rofl i think he prolly does too >_>
just not as severe
hehehehe
ohhhh my goddd WTF IS WRONG WITH THE SENIOR GIRLS NOWADAYS
DESPERATE MUCH ?
i think they're just playing XD
well prolly about the boyfran part
but i doubt that "they say that youre cute' is a joke ><
it could be an insult too XD
INSULT HIS FUCKING ASS OFF
idk how to respond o.o
you should be like LOL
okay
LOL
ROFLLLL such a cutie
stay away ><
D:
XD
so heartbroken
i would ditch tb for youuuuuuuu ANY TIME
no its okay XD

after i bitched here i feel so much better :)
DIANAS SUCH A CUTIEEEEEEE ♥
hehehe grrrrrr hw >.<

how bootless to admire, when fated to despair !

2009-11-02T17:30:00.000-05:00

i didnt know what to put for the title
so i went to wiki and searched love LOL
and then i went to unrequited love
and saw "anna , thy charms" by robert burns
i like how it sounds .

talking about wiki
i cant believe that theres actually a page for obsessive love D:

Moore, Forward and Buck believe that rejection is the trigger of obsessive love - also known as love addiction or relationship addiction. They state four conditions to help identify it, namely, a painful and all-consuming preoccupation with a real or wished-for lover, an insatiable longing either to possess or be possessed by the target of their obsession, rejection by or physical and/or emotional unavailability of their target, and being driven to behave in self-defeating ways by this rejection or unavailability.

Characteristics indicative of obsessive love are:
Obsessive lovers believe that only the person they fixate on can make them feel happy and fulfilled.
Persons close to the love-obsessed can also be greatly affected. Witnessing a friend or family member suffer from the disorder can be distressing.
The person obsessed cannot accept the other person to be happy when they are suffering.

~~i need some regression therapy LOLOL~~
~~he should thank god that i am not those crazy bitches that will commit suicide or homicide :P~~

anyway ,
i decided get over him
but then this morningg i was sitting in the g train studying for the chem test
and then he walked by
i only saw the shoes and the legs and i could tell it was him ........
~~god what kind of proass stalker am i ?!~~
my heart was beating SOOOO fucking fast
and i just wanted to run awayy
fight or flight response right theree D:
well when we were about to get off the train
i wanted to go first but then i didnt wanna be that close to him
so i just let him go in front of me
and then i walked ULTRA FAST AND LEFT HIM BEHIND :D
i still have some self control after all

and then lunch as i was walking to the table
i saw him coming in like behind gurpreet
and then gurpreet went like "asian ladyy"
so i turned around , and went like "youre just jealous of my asianessss"
and he passed , right next to me .
i said that to gurpreet cuz i kinda wanted him to walk pass me ;-;
i suckkk ><

stupid raymondd once lied to me that he was related to tb
so this time when he told me that he works at osa and saw tb
i was like NO YOURE LYING YOU CANT BE WORKING THERE
grrrrrr .
i dont want him to scare the fuck outta tb !
i bet he wouldnt wanna hear anything about me anyways .

BIG IMPROVEMENT .
i didnt walk around the neighborhood todayy trying to see if i can see him anywhere ..
no school tmrw so yessssss i dont see him .
another thing that i am happy about is that
even though i barely studied for the 3 tests that i had today
i still did okayy ..
we will see what happens on wednesday D:

~~ps . i cant believe that school crap only took me like 3 lines while stuffs about him took a whole page -_-"~~

i finally realized that hes not worth it .

2009-10-29T22:45:00.000-04:00

idk why but when i got outta the house today
it was really late .
i got to the train station and i saw the g train leaving again ,
but this time its the g train that barely makes it in time !
so i was like .. imma be late to soph tech again .. OH WELL AT LEAST I WONT SEE HIM
i was like 2 min late :T
and then i barely finished my job 8 ..
my lettering looked like crap .

so then lunch .
i was standing in the line with nana
and even though i didnt really want to see him
i still kept looking at the door .
thank god i didnt see him coming in from there .
~~my eyes got a little watery when~~ i was like talking about my plan
i will try to not see him/look at him
and then ill try to not talk about him
and then ill try to not think about him
and eventually ill be over him .
me and florence were too scared to do it .
plus we were like kinda depressed about it
so yeah .. we didnt go up to their table to ask for donation .
i mean , i know that i should face the reality and all
and i am doing that
i would make him hurt me again to get it over with
but then i dont wanna get hurt anymore ..
my heart is just too weak for that .
so like , metaphorically ,
he stabbed me , but it wasnt deep enough
and then i made him stabbed me again
and left me a scar
but then , the healing process hurts like fuck
and its going really really really slowly
so i just wanna stab myself so deep that ill just die and reborn
but i am afraid of the pain of stabbing myself ..
or making him stabbing me ..
do you get what i am talking about ?

okay anyway
i only glanced at him for like 1 second today
yay .
i needa finish chem hwww D:
cuz i was like reading love stories before LOL
love stories always make me feel good !

i can live without a boyfriend or a crush

but i definitely cant live without love storiessss ♥

truth always hurts you like crap .

2009-10-28T18:42:00.000-04:00

imma go in backwards time orderrr todayyyy .
so i just read someones tarot reading for me
and it was like
"you guys wont be together , you know that you guys dont really have a chance when you confessed to him but you still cant let go cuz you think that hes perfect for you . however you didnt leave him a good impression and since he knows that you like him , he doesnt want to be close to you cuz he doesnt want you to think that he likes you back ."
i think its pretty accurate .
but ahmad was like nahh they just make up really general stuffs
but it really doesnt matter .
i need something to believe in ,
so ill be able to get over him faster .
and obviously i just wont listen to anyone of my friends ,
.. i dont even listen to myself !
tmrws the day that saturns leaving my love sector .
hopefully my misery will be ended .

ahmad is a sick bastard .

: Write a letter saying how much you hate his faggoty ass

: and then NOT mail it to him

: but it somehow always falls into his hands

: and then he reads it

: and then he cries

: if i know where he lives

: i can just put it into his ..

: Penis?

: =.=

: HE DOESNT HAVE ONE :O

: Haha, not after you insert it there ;-;

: >_>

okay so now lets talk about school .

and report cards todayy .. wasnt really excited or nervous about it

92 avg is okay i guess .

i knew that imma get a 70 in trig .

but its so not fair that anthony got a 80 cuz his test avg was only like a little bit higher than mee !

andd i knew that imma get 85 in soph tech ,

oh well i am doing better nowadays so its prolly gonna go up next mp

i am satisfied with ap world chem health lab and spanish

all 90 something .

the only one that TOTALLY pissed me off was english .

i got 90s in all of her tests but she gave me a fucking 85 >.<

vivian had like 60 test avg and she got the same thing tooo

wtffff !

when i asked her she went like oh its cuz you missed 2 hws

2 FUCKING HWS = 5 POINTS ?!

YOURE SO NICE EMILY TUCKMAN .

and i thought lau was a betch ;-;

tao gave me this book to study from

i need to workk harder on trig , srsly >.<

okay this morning when i got to the train station

i watched the g train leaving T-T

and then the f came , and he popped outta no where

and went on

i was like O_O and then >:O

later he got on the g at carroll

but like , he was standing right in front of the door thats close to me

and then he walked to the other door and got on there ..

so i was like "fuck you bitch fuck you fuck you fuck you" in my head

and then when i was walking out of the train station

i was behind him again

and i kept praying for him to go into the deli so i would stop cursing him in my mind

and THEN he didnt go into the deli

when i dont want you go in , you do .

when i DO want you to get the hell in , you DONT .

good job kelvin =.=

so then when we were walking towards school

i was like "diediediediestupidretardihateyoudiealreadysrslysostupidomg"

i tried so hard to not to GLARE at his back and look like imma kill him .

rofl .

i dont really have the guts to go to his table for the donation thingy ..

AHHH .

i need to face the reality and get the fuck over him .

HES NOT WORTH IT

WHAT THE FUCK DO I SEE IN HIM

HIS I-AM-SO-COOL-CUZ-I-AM-AN-UPPERCLASSMAN-NESS ?!

my god , you dont even look like a JUNIOR

dont even mention a senior >_>

eek stiff shoulders .

2009-10-27T21:30:00.000-04:00

i dont have much hw tonight .

plus i forgot to bring my spanish and chem work sheets home Dx

i am so forgetful :T

I WILL NOT TURN THIS INTO A STALKERS BLOG !

so i will not mention stuffs like

~~"OMG HES WEARING A BRIGHT BLUE SHIRT TODAY AND I SAW HIM LIKE IN THE TRAIN BEGINNING OF LUNCH AND END OF LUNCH"~~

even though you wouldnt wanna read about it ,

i still said it anyways D;

oh well .

so ~~i was being stalkerish and~~ i found some more pics of him ..

and i showed them to nana

and we were like laughing at themm ..

SHE STILL THINKS THAT HE LOOKS LIKE A MONKEY WTF X-X

i am planning to do the donation thingy for nhs ,

so that i can get 5 points ..

i went like "YOU SHOULD DO THIS ~~AS AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO YOUR CRUSH~~" to someone

and shes like OMFG ILY

i am so smart mwahaha !

but i dont really have the guts to do it to tb

cuz he knows that i like him and stuffs

and then hes gonna look at me awkwardly

like how he always did when i talkkk to him ><

omg report cards tmrw .

i am scared to see my trig grades ..

i know that i passes but like ..

a 70 is still pretty bad ..

and my average is gonna be so low cuz of trigggggg !

fml .

Gimme a kim jonghyun please T-T

2009-10-26T22:51:00.000-04:00

so after an hour and something i finished my job 7 for tech drawing .

it looks disgusting ..

cuz i kept thinking about my math test tmrw .. GAH

i think imma fail

cuz i was planning to have like an hour to study for it

but then i procrasinated by fixing the stupid theme with connie ..

CONNIEE IF YOU FAIL THE TEST AGAIN

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE HERE .. D:

its not that iono the materials

its just that i panic and i make RETARDED mistakes

like (x+1)(x+2)=x^2+3x+3

ughsdfjhdfsjkldfskljsdfklj i am so worried .

okay so tmrw imma study and think about my world essay in the train

and ill do english and spanish during lunch .

i wish i have a kim jonghyun so ill be HAPPY even under stresses like this ♥

the day the saturn leaves my love sector is coming closer and closer ..

hmm , i wonder what will happen D:

suffocating .

2009-10-25T18:25:00.000-04:00

fuckkk .

i spent like an hour looking for new templates when i was supposed to be doing hw ..

I HAVE SO MUCH HW

BUT I DONT WANNA DO ANY ONE OF THEM :[

i hate schoooool .

tuckmann stop being a blonde and use your brain !

how can we find 4000-word resources -_- !~!!!!

UGH I AM SO PISSED

I DONT WANNA GO TO FUCKING SCHOOL > 3<

and like .. i started getting sad and shit
yeah .. like whats gonna happen to me ?
susan miller said like the last week of octobers gonna be really romantic .
i really really really want to trust her ,
but then .. i dont want to give myself false hope .
its not like i really want to date him
cuz dating is just too annoying .
i just wanna be really good friends with him ..
to the point where we will hug each other
we will talkk a lot and such .
sigh .

SO COLD .

2009-10-15T18:08:00.000-04:00

its freezing cold todayy .
when i got off the bus i saw him across the street and i just started running involuntarily
no i wasnt running away from him i was running towards him ><
i came back into my senses pretty soon and then i bitched at myself and stopped running
and i was like stalking his fb a few mins ago ..
ughhhhhhh i am so mad at myself >:[

anyways
so i showed nana when he walked into the cafeteria
and she was like LOL HE DOESNT LOOK UGLY BUT HE LOOKS FUNNY
........ -_-"
WHATEEEEEEEEEEVER .

the math test today was easierr than i thoughtt
i actually finished all the question except the last one
MR.TAO TAUGHT ME HOW TO DO IT BEFORE
BUT SOMEHOW I COULDNT FACTOR IT ANYMORE
oh well at least i passed this time :)

omggg i think that we are not gonna draw those fucking blocks in soph tech anymore

THANK GOD X 1000000000

i srsly cant draw those shit for a whole semester
ill dieeeeee like that Dx

it was like raining when i got out of the school
and my jacket got wet
that was like the first time i wore it tooo -_-
toris grandma passes away at like almost 2 :[

rest in peace .

when i was in the train
i put my chem review book right next to me
but then when i got out
i forgot it and left it there
i went back to find it before i got outta the train station
and the g train just left in my face
i was like FUCK
and then the 2 freshies waiting for the f train was like
heyy your book !
i was like OMG THANKKK YOUUUU !
pheww .

so , since i dont have a lot of hw
and my 2 tests tmrw are easyyy
ill just do hws that are due on monday xPPP
gotta stop being a procrastinatorr :]

wtf susan miller ?

2009-10-13T18:25:00.000-04:00

my cell phone alarm didnt ring for some reason
and my grandma woke me up at like 7:05
which was like 30 min later than the time i usually wake up at >_>
and then i rushed like hell and got to the train station at like 7:28 ?
I SAW THE FUCKING G TRAIN BUT BY THE TIME I RAN TO THE PLATFORM IT LEFT =.=
thank god another one came soon after and i got to ms.eng like 2 min before the bell
or else i would have been using a voodoo doll for the g train LMFAOO

so today is supposed to be like extraordinary romantic ?
since venus trines mars today
but i dont really see how romantic it is >_>
peters absent so i walked up from the southwes
and then i cut into the lunch line , as usual =DDD
i am sorry everyone who i skipped :[
but its so lonely if i was in the back and it would be so awkward when he passes by ..
yeah , its like mad weird to see him
i just started like talking about layers to yiman and looking down to the zipper .. D:
i am such a loser .

in ap world mr. stevens was like I LIKE YOUR SMILE
and i was like O______O;
everyone started laughinggg
it was sooo freakyyy though LOL

okay psats tmrw .
fucking seniors are so luckyyy !
they get to sleep T-T
thank god we come in before 2nd =D
i love not having ms.engs class !
but that means we have less time to do job 4 ..
AHHH FUCK MY LIFE
okay imma keep making my flashcards .. ><